I awoke to the smell of vegetables cooking in oil. The others were still present shortly after sunrise. Conscientious quiet was relieved as Betiara heard me open the bedroom door, and I couldn't help but smile at her perked ears rising above the wall of the loft. I mumbled greetings to everyone as I carefully made my way over to my girlfriend, eager to rest my head in her lap and resume a semblance of rest. "How'd you sleep?"
"I slept alright," she assured me as a warm paw rested upon my side. Sekvi, who was still adjusting to these earlier hours, cleared their throat. They hadn't donned any of their jewelry yet, and their hair was a mess. I had never seen them like this; even on our lengthy ride down the Tagat River, their appearance had been perfectly maintained at all times.
"It should be criminal to wake so early, but I suppose acclimation is inevitable." They were wrapped in their blanket and sat upon their pillow. I was relieved that they had some comfort in this difficult transition.
"I do not miss waking at 4 a.m. to open the restaurant," I commiserated.
"I slept fine." Keff was poring over a selection of his ancestral notes. Some detail was being sought in the pages, but it seemed to be eluding him for the moment. "Got a few leads on work... my name's not as known outside the valley. It's not keeping me up." He always seemed so confident. As I wondered of his method, I recalled our conversation at the smithy. His advice was, essentially, to avoid worrying about things when at all possible. It was easier said than done to follow his advice, but it was clearly working for him.
"Food's almost ready," Lilika called from below. "Could someone help me carry it up?"
"Yeah," I immediately volunteered, reluctantly rising from Betiara's embrace. Her paw lingered over me, but her eyes assured me that she had no issue with our temporary parting. "Coming." That strong jaw of hers drew me to leave a kiss upon it. I felt fur shift lightly over my face as she smiled, and lick graced my cheek in return.
"What's the plan for today?" Betiara asked as I descended the stairs. Plates, likely sourced by Lilika herself, awaited utensils that I diligently supplied. Wild grains with spiced lentils, small fruits that appeared to be salted olives, and steamed kerva were to be our breakfast. I smelled a familiar fruit among the mix and quickly identified a chilled jar of citrus water waiting to bolster our immune systems. I fulfilled Lilika's previous request and began ferrying full plates up to the loft so we could begin eating together.
"Ahh," Lilika exhaled as she sat down with us. "Madison and I'll be collecting wild plants for food and medicine. After that, I'll put those medicines together while she does what she needs to do."
"Looking for work on the West side," Keff assured us after sampling an olive. "Only a matter of time."
"Standing, watching, walking." Betiara didn't sound terribly enthused about her position, but neither was her tone too grating. "Easy money. I could probably get you added to the rotation if you don't find anything, Keff."
"Thanks, fluffy. We'll see."
"Is that just your name for me now?"
"I could call you Beshy instead."
"Fluffy it is."
"I've a goal in mind," Sekvi began, a coy smile gracing their waking countenance. "We have the attention of the Sun King. I see advantage in using that to our benefit, and seek to establish myself as a regular performer at castle functions. What easier way to pay our rent or gather information?" The notion was met with approval from the rest of us. I appreciated Sekvi's willingness to play hardball in high society; the thought was so intimidating to me. They were in a social league all their own.
"Great idea, Blue."
"Thank you, I thought it best to even the playing field, as it were, after our rocky introduction. I did not enjoy the heavy-handed approach he took with Madison."
"You know how I feel about monarchy," Betiara grumbled, obviously recalling the event. I lay a careful hand on her shoulder, which she leaned into. "I say his wealth could use redistribution."
"Cheers to that!" We all raised our glasses and laughed.
"I guess, um... I need to find out what kind of work a wizard can do."
"And to do that, you will require an impression," Sekvi insisted. "This afternoon, should you have free time, I will take you shopping!" This notion immediately made my stomach squirm with worry. Being transgender had always made clothes shopping a terrifying ordeal of dysphoria and social risk; I had taken to ordering all of my clothes online and simply dealing with the inevitable returns. Still, the tailor in Karthos Bend had been accommodating. It was unfortunate that they hadn't survived. This notion further plummeted my confidence.
"Oh, um, I, do we have money for that? What about rent?"
"I will find money for that. I promised you once that I would regale you in appropriate fashion, and I assure you now that I mean to keep that promise."
"I've never been one for fancy clothes..." Two refusals, however humble, drew the attention of the group. Anxiety flooded me; I had chosen the wrong approach to this conversation. Sekvi and Lilika, in particular, appeared to be most concerned.
"It's easier if you let them do it," Keff said with a chuckle, "but you can wear what you want."
"If you're not okay with it, you can say no, love," Betiara assured me. Lilika, strangely, said nothing as she returned to her food with a furrowed brow.
"I assure you, I mean no pressure, Madison. You are the one that decides how to present yourself." Sekvi's eyes fell for a moment. For the first time since that night on the boat, their resplendent social mask had slipped away. They were obviously feeling doubtful of themself. I was sure they weren't attempting to guilt trip me into letting them spend a high amount of money on my wellbeing. No, this felt more like an attempt to connect with me on a level of personal interest.
"This kind of stuff just makes me nervous. I'll need a lot of help picking things out, and knowing how to wear it; it's intimidating. It might be a little bit of a burden to keep me calm."
"I understand entirely. While exploring my gender, I had little confidence in my presentation, as well." Sekvi's hand offered two gentle pats upon my knee. "The offer is open, my friend." I was right. There was no way I could turn this offer down in good conscience.
"We'll, we'll do it. We'll do it. Thank you, Sekvi." I mused upon tasting one of the olives, but I was hesitant in this matter, as well. Olives were never something I had enjoyed. Spironolactone's tendency to cause salt cravings had seen me inhale jars of cornichons, instead. Those little white onions that came with them were almost worth returning to Earth for another taste. "I know it's important to you, and I need to step outside of my comfort zone sometimes. It's easier to do that when I can control the engagement; your support will make it possible." This inspired a heartfelt smile from Sekvi. They nodded their head and returned to their food with their spirits lifted. My words weren't empty; taking risks was not something I enjoyed doing, as I had so rarely had anything I could stand to lose. Now, with the support of my friends, I felt far safer in exploring this world. Two months had passed since I arrived here. It was beginning to feel as if I wasn't going to disappear as randomly as I had arrived, and the Cradle had really grown on me. Still... I felt unsure of this evaluation. I hadn't experienced enough of it to make a decision on the matter that I couldn't regret, if such a decision were in my power to begin with. The Banishment spell was still a mystery to me.
Lilika still hadn't looked back up from her food. Worry surged through me, but I did my best to hide it. "So... it seems like we're going to stay here for a little while." She looked up as I spoke, her expression somewhat eased. I didn't know what that meant.
"I view it, for myself, as picking up where I left off," Sekvi explained. "Without Karthos Bend, my tower or my ties to the area, I can only trend upward. I aim to do exactly that." I found their fortitude admirable.
"I don't know what else to do with myself." I empathized deeply with Betiara's position. "I'm going through the motions until I can either make a difference here, or find somewhere more receptive."
"There's a good market here," Keff offered with a shrug. He was a person that knew what he wanted. As someone that didn't, I had to admire that.
"I'm here for y'all, and I'm here for Madison," Lilika quietly affirmed. "What about you?" I couldn't imagine what it was like to lose one's husband.
"...what would you do if it were just you, mom?"
"Keep living the way I had before, I suppose, but it's nice to get to see the world in spite of this awful city." It wasn't all bad, but Lilika was far from wrong. She was making a sacrifice that I felt I could never repay.
"Maybe we can find somewhere more agreeable down the line." I tried one of the olives and found it to be far more agreeable than the ones I had tasted in the past. "Ooh, these are good. Um, I, I don't know what I want. It's really sinking in now that I'm going to be here a while, maybe for the rest of my life. I might never see Earth again, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing."
"Do you miss anyone?" Betiara asked.
"Only in the 'devil you know' sense. I knew how to navigate things there, regardless of how I feel about Earth. Here...?" I thought of my arrival, the earthquake, the burrowelter, the crooked deal I had inadvertently facilitated, and my meeting with the Sun King. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm, scared, still." Silence descended over us for a moment, event I was growing tired of causing.
"You'll feel better once the outside fully matches the inside," Lilika assured me. She was inferring this outcome from experience. Being a dragon in the flesh wouldn't solve my problems, but I likely would feel better about my life in general. So much background noise could be eliminated even as that shape would accrue new concerns. I would be a dragon. I could escape those concerns, or easily scare them off.
"I hope so. Does this whole being a dragon thing, like, upset anyone? Is this okay?"
"Madison, you're you. We don't care if you're a dragon or a rock, you’re what we care about."
"I must say that I agree with Keff. Should trouble arise, it will be surmounted."
"Imagine how amazing it is to have a dragon for a significant other."
"Sweetie... is that what all this is about?"
"It's part of it. Learning myself in a new context, deciding whether I want to stay here or not... I'll be okay. I can figure it out with your support." We talked a bit further as we ate, but Lilika decided that it would be best to discuss the intricacies of my feelings while we sought our floral quarries. The others had their own work to pursue. We parted after sharing mutual affirmations. Lilika, Rags and I locked the door behind us and rode the elevator down. The larger city lifts carried us from the Third Ring to the First, and from there we left the city through the Southeast gate. I hadn't expected the breeze running over expansive, grassy plains to soothe me as much as it did. The waving flora inspired me to use the area as a waterbed once I finally assumed my draconic shape. I would be able to see so far into the distance, over water, over land, and clear to distant trees. My heart yearned to take flight in a way that my body couldn't yet follow. Lilika's path forward drew my attention away from this matter of time, and I moved to follow her. "So, what are we looking for?"
"Tall, thin plants with red bulbs, edible root vegetables or fruits, and anything aromatic. Fresh air is its own reward, and with six busy people under one roof, gentle scents will help enough without bothering Betiara's nose." Lilika eased her pace and scanned the horizon for her quarry. "If we get lucky, we might run into the nomads. We could trade with them." We stood in silence together as I made mental notes of the task at hand. It was nice of Lilika to consider Betiara in such a comparatively minute way; the gesture spoke of true care. I began to worry over my scent until I remembered all the times that my girlfriend had pressed her nose to my neck. As well, it had only been two days since I last bathed; my scales and magical diligence were boons to my cleanliness. These worries were misplaced in fits of social anxiety. They floated away on the wind that blew across us, cleansed from my mind by the neutrality of air. I wished that I could float away with them. Perhaps the near future would see me doing exactly that.
"It's funny. The open plains, the grass... it reminds me of Karthos Bend," I observed to Lilika.
"I was just thinking the same thing. It's nice and quiet outside of the city." Her words momentarily fell by the wayside, but continued walking. "I can tell Nereved isn't good for you, either."
"It's quiet in the apartment," I offered, "but, yeah. There's so many people and so many interactions to have. It feels so loud. Plus I have two things I have to hide from everyone else now. Betiara's example and time had me feeling better about being from another world, but this whole dragon thing is wearing me down."
"It's difficult to act like something we aren't." Lilika's tone was as soothing as her words’ intent. I moved a little closer to her as we walked. Her life with her husband an avenue through which she could connect very personally with me. After all I'd been through, and all I'd been without, I needed to feel close with her. "What do you think a dragon is, Madison?" The question stunned me. What was a dragon?
"A creature like any other," I quietly ventured while I watched the grass ripple in the breeze. "For me, a dragon always meant freedom. Most creatures do."
"Whether or not your draw came from instinct, what do you want to have freedom from?" I thought of Earth and all of its problems. The supposed land of the free was anything but; anyone that was paying attention knew that, though so many people turned blind eyes to the structural oppressions forced upon the population by threat of violence. I wouldn't dare assume those circumstances weren't also present here. The presence of monarchist governments and the wariness of werewolves had been problematic for me and those close to me. Betiara hadn't told me of any problems that had arisen in Nereved, though the ill looks she likely got from some were enough to make me uneasy. No world would be ideal, let alone perfect. The aspects of my wish were ultimately one and the same. Was this what I truly wanted to be? A dragon in a strange land, vulnerable, ignorant and likely soon exposed? I felt more comfortable here in spite of myself and my difficult experiences.
"I don't like the answer, but I think I wanted freedom from Earth."
"How do you feel now that you've gotten it?"
"Conflicted." Lilika switched her staff into her right hand so that she could hold mine while we walked.
"My husband felt the same way at first. Do you know why?"
"No. Betiara didn't feel conflicted about her change... it suited her, and she didn't seem to have any interest beforehand."
"Her turning was complete much sooner," Lilika observed. "She understood the entirety of lycanthropy from the beginning. You and my husband didn't understand yourselves as fully. Even more, you're only halfway there." It was a painful truth. I balked internally at the way she phrased her appraisal, but I assumed she had done so for a reason.
"I was just becoming comfortable with being a dragonborn when I found this out. Now it all feels fake." Our clasped hands were raised up in order to capture my attention.
"I understand. It's not fake, Madison. You made progress, and you feel hurt because your endpoint of comfort has moved further away. Your comfort hasn't gone anywhere." My resolve faltered as we held eye contact with each other. I compared how I felt about my body now to the thought of reverting, and found it to feel like an unwelcome step in the wrong direction. She was right; my progress hadn't gone anywhere, I was just soured by finding out the goalposts of my comfort had shifted. Appearing to be a dragonborn still felt good to me. As I realized this, a crystalline thought shattered me from within: I had never truly been human. Why else would I feel so intensely, all my life, that I needed to become a dragon to be happy, when there were all manner of flying creatures that brought me no solace? Some part of me had always been, or at least been aligned with, something other than human. I thanked my growing emotional resilience for keeping me on my feet as existential pain shook through me. I had long thought that gender dysphoria was unique in its intensity. It was far too early in the morning to discover otherwise.
"I never was human, was I?" My voice trembled as tears threatened to spill. Lilika stopped our pace and gave my hand a squeeze. She didn't respond to me, but she moved closer to gently rub over my back in an effort to soothe my ache. I did my best to keep breathing. An emotional eruption would bury our important task if I didn't get a handle on myself.
"You can cry if you need to, sweetie. It's better to get it out."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." Just like that, the dam broke once again. I fell to my knees and hugged around Lilika like she was the only support I had in the world. Her mutual embrace helped me feel safe to feel what I was feeling, as she always did. Cold, desperate emotion poured from me. As I spent time in this world, the well from which my feelings sprung was digging ever deeper inside me. I wondered what would happen when I reached the bottom, the end of the backlog of withheld hurt. Would I be empty then? Would I like what I found? Would I feel unlike myself without the weight of oceanic trauma drowning me? Change of this degree wasn't something I was ready for. I wasn't ready for any of it, in truth, but I had no idea that one single event would set so much into motion. I tried not to think of it, and instead thought of my friends, one of whom was currently holding me together. "That's it, sweetie. You'll feel better when it's over." They were all that was keeping me afloat. None of my accomplishments would have been possible without them, and though I felt guilty for needing to lean on them so often, I felt equal gratitude for their understanding and patience. Lilika was right again, as always; I was already starting to feel better.
The sun itself seemed brighter in the sky when I finally lifted my head. I sat still, feeling real as I simply watched the day for a few minutes. My breaths came more easily now. I was finding that my draconic facial structure wasn't nearly as prone to sinus blockage as my human one had been. What a blessing that was; I had avoided crying so many times simply so that I could continue to breathe afterward. My gratitude ushered feelings of comfort with the current state of my body back to me, as if they had never left. I had only temporarily lost focus of how much more secure I felt as a dragonborn. My scales, my tail... I felt content again. Even better, I had something even better to look forward to. Fumbling around on four legs while I learned to walk again was an amusing thought, and the silliness of the mental image did nothing to diminish my excitement for it. All would come in due time. "Thank you." I didn't apologize for needing a moment this time. This, too, was a form of unexpected progress as I learned to express myself better. Lilika's smile returned as she helped me back to my feet. I used Prestidigitation to cleanse our clothes of the dirt we had just accumulated. Rags pawed at Lilika's clothes to mimic what I was doing, which was one of the most precious things I had ever seen. Rags was a very good boy.
"I think it's getting better. ...I don't know what I'd do without you, mom."
"Hopefully we'll never have to find out." Shining blue eyes lingered on mine for a moment. She had been crying with me. "I could tell you were having a hard time. A little fresh air and quiet does the soul good, doesn't it?"
"Tell me about it. ...do you see us staying here for a while?"
"Things can always change in a day." That was a lesson I had learned several times now. I hoped I wouldn't have to learn it again. "Neither of us likes the city, but I'll go where you go unless I really just can't. I can do this for now. In the meantime, we have some things to figure out first, like how to shake that guard watching us from the wall."
"Oh, god damn it, seriously?!"
"He was following us ever since we stepped onto the first big lift. Don't look; it'll be easier to shake him if he thinks he's being sneaky," Lilika advised with a mischievous smile. We resumed our path forward and eventually found ourselves far from the wall. Lilika, Rags and I would be only specks to the guard at this distance, as he was to us. I changed the color of my cloak to match the surrounding grasses as I put my hood up, fully camouflaging myself against the gently sloping hill. "The king's real interested in you, huh?"
"He's either getting off on messing with me, or he thinks I could be a threat to him somehow. He's seen my Spell Tome; he has to know that I couldn't and wouldn't do anything to him. ...I might try if he grabs Betiara like that again, though."
"I'll help. I've seen worse things in my life than regicide." I had no doubt that she had; I was present for at least two of those things. A chuckle rose in my throat both in avoidance of the memories and in amusement at Lilika's unassuming badassery.
"You don't think he's able to hear us somehow, do you?"
"He's probably too busy looking in the mirror to care that much for what we're doing. Do you remember what we're looking for?"
"Tall plants with red bulbs, root vegetables, and plants that smell nice."
"You're a smart one, sweetie. Let's get looking then, not too far from each other, just like we did outside Letvel."
"I have my moments." We spent a few hours searching for appropriate plants. Lilika positively cleaned up while my luck was more grounded. We had found enough wild vegetables to feed us all for two days, some berries, and several red bulbs of the tall plant. I was told these bulbs were known as flaming lips, and that they contained restorative properties in addition to psychoactive ones when prepared in a certain way. The end goal for these plants was unknowable; my adoptive mom was a bit of a wild card. We carried our haul back toward town while discussing the bundles of an aromatic plant we had gathered, its scent akin to lemongrass. All of these findings were placed inside the apartment as we planned the next phase of resource gathering. Lilika didn't like the idea any more than I did, but she spoke of lucrative mushrooms, roots and even mosses that could be found in the bowels of Nereved. As confident as she was in her abilities, she recognized that we would fare better together. I couldn't refuse while knowing that she wasn't able to see in the dark without assistance.
The amber lights of the underground greeted me once more. I felt my heart begin to beat faster in the confined space, as large as it was on the inside. Unlike the upper Rings of the city, the Interior First featured a great many entrances. I assumed these evenly spaced tunnels helped support the weight of the eastern cinder cone. It took us much longer to reach the atrium section than it had on the Third and Fifth Rings. Many smaller dwellings were carved into this rock, and given the pleasantly kept exterior of the supposedly poorest Ring, I saw now that this was where the city's poorest citizens lived. The entrance tunnel we had taken branched off into rows of embedded housing, with houseless or inebriated people sleeping along the edges of the space. It was as if the refugees' arrangements in Letvel were greatly worsened and magnified in scope. It was louder in here, too, with many smaller-scale merchants attempting to draw attention to their wares. Lilika quietly alerted me to a guard that was following us at a distance. He was doing his best to blend in with the crowd, but nothing hid easily from those familiar blue eyes.
"I just think of the king up there, acting like he's the big cheese... with all this disadvantage down here."
"We're lucky to be sickened by it," Lilika observed. Her words shed piercing light on exactly what I was feeling within. I wondered if there was a way for me to use the king's attention to wring some economic reform out of him. The idea began to grow in consideration of Sekvi's and Betiara's necessary involvement in such an endeavor. I put this idea on the back burner, however, while we sought the entrance to the Caverns. Directions were sought from the guard that had followed us into the atrium. "I can't resist the idea of turning their cat's game against them. Watch this. Excuse me, sir?"
"Yes?" The guard had pretended to expect our approach, and had assumed the guise of standing guard at a nearby tavern. I decided to let Lilika do the talking.
"Why have you been following me all morning? I'm only collecting plants for making medicine." The guard seemed to debate telling us the truth, but the way his eyes lingered on me seemed to settle the matter for him.
"We're watching her. King's orders." I hadn't expected the truth. The Sun King's boldness was characteristic, but the development had still surprised me.
"Oh, alright, then. Can you tell us how to get to the Caverns?"
"They're just ahead, but you really shouldn't go down there," the guard explained, nervousness sweeping over his countenance. This faded into relief moments later as something occurred to him. "Which is fine, because they won't let you through." Little did this person know, I had a plan to get us into the tunnels. The transmuter's sash I had received from the Conclave would likely offer me some social bartering power.
"That's alright, we won't be going down there. It's just famous, you know?" Lilika laid it on a little thick with that exaggerated smile of hers, and the guard saw right through it. He was far less amused by all this than she was.
"Do you like your job?" I didn't want to waste this opportunity to subtly resist the king's attention and however he planned to use it.
"It feeds and houses my family, so yes. It's better than breaking up bar brawls." The urge to question the potential betterment of the city's least fortunate nearly overwhelmed me, but Lilika, Rags and I instead turned and left. As we had expected, the guard eventually resumed his pace behind us. After what felt like an hour of walking, we finally arrived at a building constructed of brick and metal that spanned the central hallway forward. It was heavily guarded and featured little foot traffic to obscure our path forward. The condition of the building appeared to be older than those on the city's surface. Some of the metal was rusted, the bricks chipped, but the structure appeared to be sound. It reminded me of the old industrial warehouses that one could find in any East Coast city. We were stopped by the guards as we approached the entrance to the building.
"Names and business."
"I'm Lilika Faeserbik. This is Madison Cantrell, and this is Rags. We're here to look for medicinal plants and fungi in the Caverns." This explanation was provided alongside Lilika's signature smile. I noticed a flash of recognition in the eyes of the largely human guards, and it made me uneasy. The king likely had much of, if not all of the city's guard alerted to my presence.
"No. This isn't a place for herbalists and strangers."
"Would this change your mind?" I carefully lifted my cloak to display my Conclave sash. The guard's lip twitched almost imperceptibly at the sight of my bargaining chip.
"Did your department authorize this?"
"Gwyl did," I lied.
"And if we ask her, she's going to confirm her authorization?"
"If you think it's worth bothering her, be my guest." I was already tired of all of this, but I realized only now that there could be substantial consequences for us if my bluff was called. To my horror, the guard retrieved a stone from his pocket and began speaking into it.
"Contact the Transmutation Department of the Conclave. Ask if Gwyl cleared Madison Cantrell for entry." The stone was held against the guard's ear by the crook of his pauldron. "Wait here. You better not be wasting our time." Lilika, to her eternal credit, simply nodded and leaned against the stone wall of the corridor. I didn't know what to do. Was my bluff going to get us arrested? Would I earn the wrath of the Sun King in addition to his interest? These people were watching my every move in this city. Genuine interest was as likely a source of this choice as intimidation, and I felt intimidated regardless. Agonizing minutes passed as we awaited our fate in this risky endeavor.
"What do you want for lunch, sweetie?" I was grateful for this lighthearted change in subject. In spite of the foraging we had done outside of the city, I knew I would be hungry again soon. The guards could easily hear our conversation, however, and I was determined to mislead their reconnaissance.
"You know the butcher on the Third Ring? We could probably swing by there on the way home; those sausages were calling my name."
"Oh, sure, that sounds perfect." The guards were none the wiser; no one was wiser than Lilika. Several minutes passed between silence and further attempts at misleading small talk, until finally we were interrupted with a message.
"You're cleared. Stay clear of mining operations and levels three and below. If you stray, we'll know, and you'll be in jail within the snap of a finger." The guard made a gesture to the others, who opened the large metal doors to us. "And be careful. It's not a walk in the park down there." I could not believe that worked. Gwyl would have to be profusely thanked upon my next visit to the Conclave.
"I understand. All we want is to help some people," Lilika confirmed as we made our way forward. I felt the guards' eyes on my back as we entered what I quickly gathered to be a mining complex. The amber light typical of the underground was prevalent here, and it combined with the construction to give the building's interior a distinctly industrial feel. As we passed offices on either side of us, we began to hear sounds below. Hissing steam, rumbling, clattering of rock and metal all lightly shook the stone beneath us. We spoke to a foreman that emerged from her office to ask where we were headed. She gave us both temporary passes for entry, which amounted to palm-sized stones carved and painted to display Nereved's banner. A large lift, far more heavily built than those outside, lay at the far side of the building. Brief operating instruction was provided by the foreman before she disappeared back into her office. Without further ado, I followed these instructions and shifted the lever into the first notch below its neutral rest. A squeaking sound erupted above us as the lift slowly began to descend into the earth. Amber lights passed us on the way down, embedded into all four sides of the vertical shaft.
Rags alighted in scenting the air as the lift shuddered to a stop. I set the handle back into its previous location. Another building, one of similar structure, surrounded us as we exited the lift. Machinery was audible down here as well, spread out all around us. A cursory glance showed large sections of stone that had been left in place as supports, and beyond them were surprisingly sophisticated contraptions of all sorts. Steam engines with glowing magical augmentations were driving overhead belts, which powered conveyors that stood at waist level. Workers deftly shoved the ores into differing carts amid familiar amber light. Despite the heat emanating from the machines in the area, a consistent, cool breeze wafted through the building in guarantee of fresh air. Lilika led us forward as she scanned various signs that I couldn't currently read. A central set of metallic double doors saw us outside, while others closed over tracks and diverted into different areas of the Caverns. "Research Floor 1," she read aloud. Presumably magical green lanterns were strung along the walls of the tunnel that expanded into the darkness ahead. There was only one way forward.
I couldn't begin to fathom how Lilika wasn't afraid of being so far beneath mountains and cities, swathed in the darkness of the earth. She ran her free hand over her staff, and it, too began to emit a signature green glow. "Don't worry, sweetie," she advised after giving the smoothed stone of the tunnel a rap with the bottom of her staff. The sound lightly echoed down into the distant, downward curve ahead of us. "The stone here's solid. This is old... it would have collapsed long before now if it was going to. Plus, look at that." I followed her upward gesture to see fresh, dry wooden bracing along the ceiling of the tunnel. Much like our surroundings, these measures felt hollow to me.
"How are you okay with this?"
"Experience," Lilika answered with a smile. "Come on, we need to find somewhere wetter." I studied the walls of the tunnel as we ventured further into the dim green light. Smoothed stone, rounded if not occasionally lumpy, would have felt reassuring if not for the fact that we had survived a devastating earthquake only two months ago. These tunnels would buckle and shear under the force of tectonic might.
"Is Karthos Valley known to be tectonically active?"
"...not to the degree that we saw, but yes."
"This city is built on and in a cinder cone."
"An extinct one," Lilika gently corrected. "For thousands of years. I understand, sweetie, but could the Old Nere have built under here while a volcano was active?" I remembered Sekvi's take on the concept of the Old Nere; it seemed to amount to what was perceived as a conspiracy theory.
"Say all that was true," I began as I looked over my shoulder, just in case. A distant amber glow showed along the ceiling of the opposite end of the tunnel, and we were moving further and further away from it. "Have you seen any evidence of them yet? This looks natural to me."
"It is. We'd have to go deeper for that, probably deeper than we're allowed to today."
"Wouldn't it make sense for them to have built closer to the surface?"
"Of course, but if say, Nereved was going to mine the tunnels for their own purposes, getting rid of any signs would be the second thing they did, after studying them. You have to understand this was all thousands of years ago; there won't be much left either way." I was beginning to understand Sekvi's skepticism as much as I understood Lilika's willingness to explore unlikely possibilities.
"You're saying that more intact signs of habitation would be found in unexplored depths?"
"That's right."
"Why would they need to go so deep?"
"Mineral wealth, I assume, and who knows what else. Either way, that's beyond our purposes here today, and I'm wary of ruffling the king's feathers too much." A feathered dragon was an interesting image in my mind's eye. I wondered if I was going to have feathers, but something about the idea didn't match my self-conceptualization as such a creature. The tunnel rounded a loose curve as we descended further. Rags suddenly increased his pace as his nose lifted from the floor of the tunnel. I heard a squeaking sound ahead of us, akin to that of a mouse. "Good boy, easy." Lilika looked to me with a keen eye.
"Water must be nearby. Mushrooms need darkness and moisture to grow."
"That's my girl." This sentiment felt easily acceptable to me than others had at first. I couldn't help but smile at the thought. Lilika appreciated my insight and my input, and even welcomed it. This moment was a stark contrast to how I had spent my life on Earth: ignored, unwanted, and unappreciated. A light of balm had entered the cool of the tunnel. We followed Rags' nose past the reflective eyes of a rat. Up ahead was a split path. The path to the left featured a smaller tunnel, musty air and less light than the main path that continued to curve elsewhere. The enormous dire dog between us stared into the path to the left. This prompted a question from Lilika, with the answer coming in the form of a small bark. "There's a rat den to the left. That's where we'll find our mushrooms."
"Is that potentially dangerous?" I hoped that I was not going to catch this world's equivalent of hantavirus.
"I can treat rat bites," Lilika assured me, "but we'll want to avoid disturbing still water. The bad air that settles in it can choke us if it's released." My high school knowledge of science confirmed this fact. Carbon dioxide was able to settle in water, which meant there were likely other gases that could do the same.
"Alright. I'll let you know if I see any water."
"Thank you, sweetie. If you start feeling lightheaded or short of breath, tell me right away." I nodded my head, establishing myself into a state even more alert than I had assumed before.
"I will." With procedure established, we entered the left tunnel in search of useful plants and fungi. Moisture was abundant in the air, with little air flow to blow it away. This was a dangerous place that I did not enjoy. Lilika and Rags led on, and I felt that becoming separated from them would only invite more danger. The only sounds that echoed through the tunnel were our footsteps, drips of water from overhead, and a faint trickle of said water echoing from within the darkness ahead. Light was scarce and precious here, with several lanterns along the wall having gone out. It suggested that this area was not often visited. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. We began to see signs of life as we pressed on: plants, lichen, mushrooms, bugs, and rats. Before I could ask how these plants could flourish down here without sunlight, I realized that the oxygen they gave off would ensure our survival in this space. It was a small comfort among my anxieties. Our boots lightly splashed through a gentle flow of crystal-clear water, and we found plenty of dampened plants on the other side.
Despite the comparative safety of this location, we gathered materials as quickly as we could. One type of mushroom in particular was a helpful anti-toxin, with various cuts of moss asserted to close wounds and prevent infection. These would all have to be thoroughly cleaned before they were processed due to the presence of rats, which only seemed to grow more numerous as we lingered. Eventually, Rags began to whine as he looked further into the shadows. Only sparse green light lit the far end of this tunnel. "Stand up, slowly," Lilika instructed in a serious tone as she exemplified her advice to me. I stood with her, my left hand clasped tightly around my staff. We had picked our fill of materials, but as I looked back toward the way from which we'd come, a sea of rats stood in the way. My adrenaline instantly peaked; something was wrong. The rats had surrounded us in a way that suggested an ambush was afoot. Fleshy footsteps, one of a biped, began to echo down the tunnel until a figure emerged into the emerald light of Lilika's staff. A rat person peered unhappily at us from across the water. Rags stood at alert, his hackles and tail poised for battle.
"You're not the usual sort of visitors," the rat person evaluated in a masculine timbre. "Unprepared... yet daring to disrupt our home." I heard small wooshing sounds all around us as a number of the rats along the floor rose to match the bipedal figure of the one that spoke to us. Something about their shifts seemed familiar to me.
"We don't mean to intrude," Lilika calmly countered. "We’re only here to gather medicinal plants." I stayed silent, having no idea how to navigate this confrontation. In the meantime, plans for escape began to form in my head. Shatter could clear a path for us, as well as scare the rats off, but using it could cause a collapse or rouse the upset of slain rats. Killing scores of small creatures, ill intent or not, was not a decision I could rest with.
"Do you have our permission to take these plants?"
"We were unfortunately unaware that we needed it. Is there any way we can make up for this mistake?"
"I think not," the speaking rat professed as he folded his arms. "Especially since you know of our den. How can we be sure that letting you live won't endanger us?"
"All we can do is give our word that we won't. If you want to stay a secret, we'll keep it for you." Lilika's calm in this standoff was unearthly.
"That's not enough of a guarantee, I'm afraid..." The rats began to inch closer. Rags growled, shifting to cover his back as well, which backed the encroaching creatures off to a degree.
"What can we offer you, then? What do you need?"
"Food. Medicine, opportunity. Food may already be taken care of, heh heh." The wererat's laugh made me want to plug my nose as foul implications rose to my nostrils.
"I can make medicine. Even better, I can teach you how to make medicine so that you don't have to rely on anyone else," Lilika offered. Genius! The rats wouldn't be down here unless they felt they had to be; their want of opportunity meant that they wanted agency.
"Not all of us want a cure."
"And that's perfectly fine, but I imagine you develop infections or other illnesses." This offer prompted a few of the wererats to speak among themselves. A series of squeaks, clicks and chatters erupted along either side of us.
"What about your friend there, ready to blast us with some magic spell?" I was forced to consider myself now that I had been addressed. My stance eased, if only slightly, as I took a breath.
"I'm in a relationship with a werewolf. She enjoys being who she is, and I respect that." The sentiment hung in the air as the rats glanced at each other. "And my friend here acts as my adoptive mother. I'm with her so I can learn to make medicine, too. My immune system sucks, and she can help me if my girlfriend and I get, uh, a little rough." I chafed against the chuckles of several rats erupting around me. They could laugh if they wanted; pressing me would ensure that we got the last laugh in this situation. ...that thought didn't sit well in my stomach.
"I'll make you a deal," the wererat relented as he rolled his eyes. "Teach us how to treat our wounds and solve our sicknesses, and keep us secret... and we'll let you go. But we need collateral in the meantime."
"You already have us penned in," Lilika observed. "What more collateral could you need?" This question inspired a grin in the wererat.
"Can you cure us?"
"I can, but I don't have all the supplies I need right now."
"Mm. Let us bite her, then." My breath stopped cold, and so did my thoughts.
"No one lays a finger on my daughter!"
"That's a shame," the wererat lamented in jest. This guy was a real prick. "Is that really how you want this to happen?"
"I can kill scores of you in seconds. Don't fucking test me," I threatened without an ounce of enjoyment.
"There are so many more of us than there are of you."
"Madison," Lilika offered in an effort to steady my hand. I was grateful for it; violence was not how we wanted this to end. "You won't touch a single scale of my daughter." The wererat smirked and shrugged his shoulders.
"I'll give you a minute to say goodbye to the sun, then." Lilika and I exchanged glances as Rags continued to growl. I saw in her eyes that she wanted me to trust her. Trust wasn't a question in my mind, but trust wasn't a guaranteed vehicle to see me to safety. My body had already been changed once; a second instance would only provide me far more grief. Short of killing all of these rats, I didn't see a way out of this situation. Part of me wanted to blast them simply for putting us into this predicament.
"Sweetie, I won't blame you for making either choice, but it looks like it's down to you. It's my fault for getting you involved in this."
"If I didn't come, you'd be facing this alone, and I'd never see you again." I huffed a breath, scanning the eyes of the rats and wererats around us. Some of them looked worried, apprehensive, as if they didn't enjoy this, either. "Moonbeam and Shatter can end this in seconds."
"I know, but we can't live with that, can we?"
"We already live with it, every day. We're two of twelve survivors of Karthos Bend. At least these memories would be a choice." I felt anger swelling in me. The urge to end this all was strong, and only growing stronger. Extortion, threat and undeserving force earned, in my mind, the walls of the tunnel streaked with the blood of those that would harm us. I stopped, brow furrowing, when I realized that doing so would make me little different from the ones that now bore down on us. No... that memory wasn't one I could live with. "Are you sure you can fix it?"
"I can fix it, sweetie, and I will. It takes days to set in and I only need a few hours to prepare the medicine." There was little other choice. As much as I hated to do so, I chose, only after ensuring it was the most correct one I could make.
"Fine. Do it." The leader of the rats raised an eyebrow as he began to approach me. "But we need collateral, too."
"Ugh. Fine! What do you want?"
"You, tied up, within arm's reach of me. Any funny business and I’ll redecorate this tunnel." Our glares intensified, met in the middle by a pressure nearly tangible. I was ready to react first as the wererat broke the gaze to look out over all the rats in his apparent charge.
"Fine. Give me your hand." I reluctantly offered it to the wererat. Resigned to this fragile treaty, his movements were slow and deliberate as he bit down.
"Oooooooow, fucking, fuck! That's enough! Agh!" My protests found purchase, and he separated himself from me with his hands held out to Lilika, who had already procured some rope. She deftly bound the wererat's wrists, and the sea of bodies ventured deeper into the tunnel together. A large hollow awaited us with a formidable crack in the far wall that provided modest air flow. I sat down with the lead wererat and held my staff under his chin. He didn't protest this, instead watching Lilika as she began to tutor the other wererats. We stayed this way for what felt like hours. My breathing got heavier and faster as time went on, and I felt heat growing in my body as a fever took hold. Strange thoughts started to form in my head. Gathering materials to form a nest back at home, brushing whiskers I didn't have against Betiara's, curling up into a warm little ball... it was so unnerving. I did my best to ignore these thoughts as I looked over my shoulder. "Mom, hurry, my head's getting weird. I don't like it."
"Almost done, sweetie. You'll be okay soon." I watched her show the rats very specific ways of crushing and mixing bits of mushroom into powdered plants. Water was added to form a yellowish-green paste. "You apply this lightly; if you can't see the wound, you used too much, which only wastes the overage. Garlic helps, too, if you have it."
"Can you show us? Velk has a cut on his leg, it doesn't smell good."
"Of course. Who's V-, oh, there you are. Here, just like this, okay?" Waves of unease washed over me in a great tide of wrongness. It felt sickening to more than my mind and body. With Lilika busy and with no desire to distract her from getting us out of here, I decided to look to the wererat for answers.
"What's going on in me right now?"
"It's not a disease. I know you can tell; it's more than that." I huffed in upset of this acknowledgement and offered him a little more room to breathe. "It changes your instincts. It's not some common illness, it's magic."
"That’s wonderful. Ugh. I feel like hell. Is this how you feel all the time?" I wiped my forehead with the back of my uninjured hand as if I was pouring with sweat. There was no sweat; I was still not entirely accustomed to this body. It was only more reason to resist it being changed.
"No, but that's because I like being what I am. You're not a wererat. ...is that ignorant upbringing the reason you hate us?"
"Hate you?! Dude, you came at me hard as hell, so I had to play hardball too, are you kidding me?" A pause hung in the air as the wererat's brow furrowed.
"So we aren’t your enemy?"
"Not until you threatened to kill us. Why would I hate wererats?"
"I'd ask those on the surface the same question." I thought of how Betiara had been viewed in Letvel, even after helping stop the burrowelter at great personal cost. She had encouraged me to ignore the sour looks some gave her. I wasn't able to ignore every stare or look of enmity. Legitimate concerns over lycanthropy or not, some people had crossed a line. "They use our lives as a cautionary tale to scare and control people, instead of encouraging them to understand us, as they would for anyone else."
"...what do you think of the king?"
"He inherits advantage and sits at the top of a system that disadvantages the rest of us. This government is why poverty exists; I try not to think of him." An opportunity presented itself, one of collaboration instead of conflict. I released the wererat entirely from my hold. Our eyes met with mutual caution. "You feel the same way?"
"That's what a king is. That's what a king does. Regardless of his personal character otherwise, his station carries that connotation." My eyes flicked away for a moment. The fever running rampant in my body caused me to sway, but I was able to catch myself. I felt as if everything I had was in combat with the magic that tried to transform me. "And he made a bad impression on me when I first met. I'm not a big fan." Guilt was apparent on the wererat's face as his eyes fell to my injured hand, which was starting to grow puffy. Lilika's pleasant instruction of the rats and Rags' dutiful guard caught his attention next.
"I thought you two were coming to drive us out. Others have tried... well, this is awful."
"Oh, awful," I said with a grimace as I, too, caught sight of my swollen hand. "Look, I get why you were careful, but maybe get our intent before you resort to this next time?"
"The point isn't lost on me!" Several of the other wererats leaned over to see what had caused their spokesman to shout. When they saw there was no further conflict, they returned their attention to Lilika. "Look, I'm sorry, but your threats didn't help matters, so you remember that next time."
"You threatened our lives, what, do you think this staff is for decoration?"
"I admitted to my mistake, but you can't admit to yours?" I was nearly apoplectic at this point. This was not my fault; fire had only been answered with fire. Instigation had happened because of the wererat's hasty choice. Highlighting this fact, however, wasn't going to get us much of anywhere. An extended argument would only see me down here long enough to turn into something that I shouldn’t be. That trauma wouldn't be helpful to anyone.
"I was a little, on edge, and I could have followed Lilika's lead better." That was all the wererat was going to get from me on that matter. Thankfully, he acknowledged this in extent of his right hand, then his left quickly after. I shouldered my staff and shook with my left hand. His grip was more respectful than I had anticipated. "Alright, are we okay here?"
"Yes. ...if you don't... ugh, rat us out, you can come down here and harvest the plants we aren't using. We'll replace what you used to teach them." He was proud, but I could tell that he was trying to meet us halfway.
"What's your name?"
"I'm Toddrick."
"I'm Madison, that's Lilika and Rags. If you keep your word here..." I hesitated, unsure how much I should give away as I attempted to form a more lasting bond than an apology. "Have you heard of Karthos Bend?"
"Of course. Northern country. I hear they look after their people pretty well, but you said earlier that you survived it?"
"It, um... was destroyed recently in an earthquake. The whole valley was, almost down to Letvel. Around 200 people survived, and we're three of them." Toddrick's arms fell as he shook his head.
"That's terrible news. I'm, actually really sorry to hear that." All I could do was shake my head alongside him.
"The two people responsible for the sociopolitical changes there survived, too. They're friends of mine." A heavy sigh made way for a great inhale. I felt like my insides were on fire. Hours more of this would be utter hell.
"You know Sekvi the Seer?" I swore I could feel my brain short-circuit.
"Does everyone know Sekvi?"
"They're a big deal, and word gets around. We can hide anywhere." These could be useful allies to have, indeed.
"The other one, the one that made change happen on the ground, is the werewolf I mentioned earlier."
"Your girlfriend."
"I can introduce you to them, only if you keep your word. For now, I really need to get out of here or the deal's off." Toddrick, and several other wererats that were eavesdropping on the conversation, looked stunned. After assuring them that I would indeed be willing to introduce them to my friends, the sea of fur quickly gathered materials for us and all but shoved us out of their tunnel. We found ourselves back in the tunnel amid familiar green light. The slow, grinding pace of the lift agonized me. Lilika assured me that I would be alright, but the palm of my right hand was starting to become distinctly ratlike by the time we exited the mining complex. The same guard that was posted to watch us was waiting, and resumed his vigil as we hurried back to our apartment on the Third Ring. I was immediately put to bed and given a surplus of water to drink. No amount of blankets piled upon the bed could break my fever while Lilika worked. Sekvi descended the stairs and began to lament our neglect of their offer, but stopped cold upon seeing our druid friend hurriedly preparing a tincture.
"She what?" The ever luscious voice presaged Sekvi's appearance in the doorway. "Stars above. Madison, are you alright?"
"Uuuugghhhhh."
"Sweetie, I mean this with kindness, but either help me here or go find Betiara."
"Right!" Sekvi leapt valiantly into action and began assisting Lilika in any way they could. I heard their activity in the kitchen, but little of it registered while I fought my body and mind's changing states. Nesting was not something I needed to do. The scent of the rats was not a pleasant one. Any longing for the tunnels below the city was not genuine, and light did not mean danger to me. Lycanthropy's assault was incessant, and it took all the willpower I had to prevent myself from becoming overwhelmed. I understood now why some individuals that were exposed to this magic would lash out in confusion. It had been happening for so long... what if we were too late? Was I doomed not to be a dragon, but to assume some other shape that wouldn't bring me comfort or happiness? Pain bloomed once more in my stomach. My will to fight it all began to wane just as Betiara returned home. She hurried to my side upon seeing me panting and miserable in bed.
"Betiara, I need you to bite her," Lilika requested in a very deliberate tone from the kitchen.
"What?! I'm not doing that!"
"She's going to be a wererat if you don't, and she needs help fighting it. If this doesn't work somehow, then you'll be able to make her much more comfortable than rats could." Betiara whined, her ears pinning back. She took my hand and looked it over, a paw pad gently pressing into the fleshy ones forming on my fingertips.
"Madison, what happened?"
"I made friends," I explained as I rolled my eyes. "I mean, I did, eventually, but they were terrible at first."
"I can't... bite you. You'll... are you alright with this?"
"I've always wanted to be a rat," I joked, eager to cope with my fear in the easiest way I could. Tomorrow was going to be a difficult day, no matter what happened. "If mom thinks it's a good idea then we should do it. If I get stuck as something I'm not, well, maybe I can be pretty and fluffy like you." Betiara tightly closed her eyes, took my already injured hand in her paws, and bit down on it far harder than was necessary.
"FuuuUUUUUCK, babe!" The pain washed through me and left burning lucidity in its wake. My changes began to slow in pace, but the pain began to intensify as there were now two separate magical forces attempting to alter me simultaneously. "It hurts. It HURTS, fuck!" I was in the most pain I had ever experienced in my life.
"Thank you, sweetie!"
"If this doesn't work, I swear to the moon, I'll kill every last one of those rats myself." Betiara gnashed her teeth as she spoke in a snarling tone. I could tell by her ears that she was more afraid than angry. She was afraid for me... and so was I. Her free paw came to rest against my cheek.
"That won't be necessary. Just a few more minutes... Sekvi, please steep the flaming lips for me."
"Right away. Here are the requested mushrooms."
"Madison, I don't know what to do, but you'll be okay. I'll make sure of it." I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the warmth she imparted to me. The way this magic infuriated my immune system made it difficult to contextualize against the saturating cold.
"How?"
"It can be reversed. Um, moon pacts, protective magic, healing magic..."
"Why is it like this? Who thought this was a good idea?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"It supposedly came from the moon originally, or the forests, but it was twisted into something else at some point. No one's sure." Betiara's paw trembled lightly against my face. The usual, now absent fearlessness told me that this was a very bad situation. I had only wanted Lilika, Rags and I to escape the Underground with our lives; now I felt as if I might lose mine, after everything I'd been through. This was how it could end. I wasn't ready to face that possibility. "But that's not important right n-"
"What's going on in here?" I would recognize Keff's voice anywhere. He had arrived just in time to watch me die.
"Madison caught lycanthropy, but we're attempting a remedy," Sekvi explained without an ounce of hesitation.
"Shit. Betiara! We got words!" Heavy footsteps told us of Keff's upset. They were all so worried about me... I hated to be the source of all this stress.
"It was wererats," Lilika asserted, clearly annoyed by this speculation. "We were underground, surrounded, and she made an offer to smooth things over. Now, everyone please be quiet while I concentrate. This has to be done right." Silence fell over the apartment, aside from my pained gasps for breath. Minutes seemed to last forever as they ticked by. I fought, and fought, and fought as hard as I could against the unwanted changes. Suddenly, I heard Sekvi gasp as a light ringing sound emanated from the kitchen.
"You've done it!"
"Everyone, together now, make a circle with clasped hands. That includes you, Madison. It's almost over." My movements weren't terribly coordinated, but I eagerly took Keff's hand upon finally locating it. Sekvi and Lilika hurried into the room to complete the circle, with the latter setting a bowl down on the floor. It contained a glowing mixture that issued a pleasant green light from what appeared to be a mixed extract of various plants. "Keep hold, everyone. Focus yourselves on the bowl while Sekvi and I cast. And... begin." My aching eyes fell from my mother figure to the glowing, prospective cure. I dearly hoped that it would save me from this. Sekvi began to hum a lullaby to match Lilika's druidic healing, cast from her hands as she held her staff in the crook of her neck. A light breeze began to spin through the room without a discernible source, which intensified the glow of the solution. Warmth arrived in me through the hands I held. The sickening pain began to wash out of me, making way for calm to take its place. Lilika gave everyone a signal, and we broke our circle of hands so that mine were free to hold the healing tincture. I drank it with abandon. A blinding white flash filled my vision.