I awoke to find myself tangled in my bed sheets. Panic quickly took hold, but I managed to thrash myself free. Betiara raised her head in concern as we met each other's eyes. "Nightmares again... I'm alright," I whispered. Judging by the light that streamed from the ceiling, it was time to begin our day. The pale yellow shade of morning gave me pause. My love sat next to me after shifting into a permissible form, placing a paw on my shoulder while I caught my breath. I felt her claws minutely shifting over the thin fabric of my Star Wars t-shirt. Waking this way was getting old; regardless of how many mornings I'd experience in my life, recovery wasn't a good use of that time. I could meditate, conceptualize spells, or do anything besides catch my breath. Peace in my life meant peace with Betiara, and I was eager to realize such mornings with her. I felt that I could accomplish a fitting spell once I conducted a little more practice and a little more observation. "I'm almost there. Hopefully this won't happen much longer."
"As long as you don't push yourself too hard," she assured with gentle diligence. I nodded my head in response. "Do you want to start breakfast?"
"That would be great, thank you." I took Betiara's paw into my hand and gave it a kiss. We rose to assemble a meal of caramelized tetalas, fried grollo patties, and sliced vegetables that resembled cucumbers. Each element fit nicely into a breakfast sandwich, and we had five of them ready before the others emerged from their rooms. The weather turned overcast during our morning check-in. Lilika's forecast promised rain for much of the afternoon. Seeing a tiny, translucent cloud appear above her hand inspired simple wonder. Her connection with nature was such a beautiful thing. We each thought highly of the other's magic, though I acknowledged her as my spellcasting superior. Hard, focused study was only one road to magic, and Lilika didn't require ink to conduct her craft. I realized that we all had some connection with magic. Sekvi had a wondrous musical magic, Betiara had inherited magic through circumstance, and Keff could summon ghosts of his ancestors to aid him in battle. Craftsmanship was alive and well in our group of friends.
Sekvi's spirits were especially high today. "Today is a most wonderful day of opportunity," they professed. "Our efforts have seen aid to the majority of the plains, but one of its regions remains critical: the South." I felt my shoulders tense at the notion. War was on the horizon, and involving ourselves was the opposite of our stated goal. The southern border already felt too close for comfort.
"We shouldn't linger," Betiara asserted. "The longer we stay..."
"This is my concern as well. In light of this concern, I propose a swift action of helpful grandiosity." Keff raised an eyebrow at this statement.
"You have something in mind, blue?"
"A principle, a notion, nothing more. We will have to observe the situation upon arrival."
"That feels reckless to me," I mused aloud. "Are the villages close to the border?"
"Argosi lay on the border itself, but our destination, Elata, is a day's walk. Should there be incursion, word would reach us very quickly, if not ahead of our arrival." Lilika and Betiara rose to survey the street below.
"War wasn't declared overnight, else that guard wouldn't be staring back at me."
"The streets would be hectic or deserted. Everything looks normal." I trusted my friends' evaluations more than I trusted my own. Keff, for his part, was eating without a care.
"Nothing will happen," he said, "but if something happens, we'll get out of the way. We'll see a march coming long before they can chase us down."
"I guess it's uncharted territory for me. America hasn't run the risk of invasion in my lifetime."
"I thought you were from Pennsylvania?"
"Pennsylvania's a state inside America; I guess I should have made that clearer."
"No harm done," Keff assured. "Lilika, can that spell of yours see if war's coming?"
"It only shows me the weather," she sighed. "War's not a natural occurrence." The weight of this sentiment filled the room. Betiara decided to add to it.
"What about earthquakes? Weather doesn't just come from the sky."
"...now that you mention it, I wish it did! No, just weather in the sky, it doesn’t show specifics like that." Lilika resumed her seat upon the floor and took another bite of her sandwich. "This is nice, y'all."
"Thanks. Madison taught me how to caramelize tetalas. It's kind of sweet, isn't it?"
"Sure is."
"So, Madison," Sekvi asserted in a gentle attempt to focus the conversation. "Do you still feel uncertain?"
"Entirely, but you all know this world better than I do. I'll go." This answer earned a hopeful smile, an inspiring piece by the artist themself.
"Thank you for trusting us. We trust you in kind; if we discover evidence of invasion, I believe we would all seek escape." Sekvi's words were found true by the rest of the group. Even Rags provided a bark of agreement. Rags was a very good boy.
"I owe everything I have to you all. Friendship, magic... family; trust is the least I can reciprocate." In light of the aforementioned possibilities, I prepared spells for combat after finishing my food. Morality exacted its consideration from me as I chose my spells for the day, but the presence of rain indicated that Fireball likely wouldn't cause a wildfire. This eased my conscience. Banishment, however, left more than flame in its wake. Life-or-death situations required me to levy every advantage I had. While the others prepared themselves for the day's work, I set about storing my items within my bracelet. Having ready access to any item I needed paid for the spell in itself. Gray clouds flowed over the eastern plains as I clasped my cloak over my shoulders. I watched them pass, lost in thought until Sekvi arrived at my side. Their face fell into concern once they realized what I was staring at.
"You'll find a way, Madison. I know you will. Magic holds you in this form, and your growing prowess will see it undone. Time will deliver you."
"I hope so. Thank you, Sekvi."
"Of course." As we met in an embrace, a thought occurred to me.
"What if we just dispelled it?" Sekvi made their surprising strength known as they separated our hug. Their hands held my forearms in excitement.
"I cannot believe one of us hasn't considered this solution before!"
"I might be able to do that," Lilika offered, ushering us toward the door. "Want to give it a try once we're outside the city?"
"Definitely," I breathed in disbelief. The enormity of my personal struggle hit me like a truck. It was ironic that I had gone so long without observing this obvious solution. I could have freed myself a week ago! Excitement overwhelmed my self-admonishment as we hurried away from the city. I ran through various anticipations of walking, flying, and resting. My limbs would move in an entirely different fashion. My center of gravity would be higher. I would be enormous! Possibilities and discoveries swirled through my mind. Excitement propelled me forward as if I were already flying. Ordinarily, I would have prevented myself from getting my hopes up, but I was beginning to feel safe in the assumption that doing so wouldn't inherently invite hurt. None of the others displayed doubt; if anything, they appeared to share in my happiness. This encouraging air acted as an emotional tailwind, and I was entirely ready to spread my wings.
"Ready?"
"Ready," I answered. Lilika stood next to me, ready to cast her spell and run while the others had already made some distance. Dispelling magic caught me during an exhale, inspiring a gasp that made me cough as tingling energy traveled up my arm and into my chest. This was it! I felt the soothing magical energy overcome me, and I closed my eyes. Wisps of wild magic poured from my throat. I felt something change... but nothing changed. Seconds passed while we waited to observe any delayed effects. None made themselves known. I was devastated, but going to pieces over this outcome wouldn't make anyone feel better. Groundless steps carried me forward as I resumed my pace. The others followed me without a word. They all understood my emotional situation. My eyes were glued to the road. I discovered only now that the shape of my face wouldn't easily allow me to look straight down, which only enabled my ability to look forward. Knowing that I wouldn't welcome a second attempt, I cast Mage Armor with a wave of my hand. "Thank you for trying, mom. I guess I'm not there yet."
"Maybe not, but every time we try something that doesn't work, we get closer to something that will." Hearing the same sentiment that occurred to me days ago told me we were right. I found myself growing in ways that I hadn't expected. Sekvi began a soothing song, humming a quiet melody as they played. It was a fitting melody for a gloomy day, its gentle sadness uplifting us in contrast. They had a gift for approximating the moment in their music. The clouds above sped along as we resumed our trek southward. I did my best to reckon with my upset, a task soon aided by the resumption of conversation. Practical concerns were on their minds while lofty flight weighed my own. Each breeze and every cloud that sped along the horizon beckoned me to follow, and we kept a healthy pace in hope of outpacing coming rain. My eyes gradually lost their tears; all the better to make room for accepting the circumstances. This was the choice I could make amid a matter that left me no other.
"So, Keff," I began as the conversation found a lull, "if we're in Post-Emergence, and your ancestor was born Pre-Emergence, then what was the Emergence?"
"The Titans," he answered, unaware of how amazing the sentiment sounded to me. "I know you love details, Blue; want to take this one?"
"Certainly! Mind you, this is all tempered by time's inherent dilution. Thousands of years ago, the elemental titans emerged from their homes for reasons unknown. They were all slain after they wrought massive destruction upon the world: fire, earth, water, and air. No one knows where, how, or why this transpired, but academia is abuzz with ideas ever since your discovery." Conflicting thoughts and several memories returned to me. Deriving an answer from such history had to be useful, but the concern I shared with Eliphe rang with uneasy truth.
"How long did the Emergence last?"
"It's thought to have lasted for as short as one hundred years to as long as one thousand," Sekvi explained. They clearly enjoyed sharing this knowledge with me.
"It makes you wonder what could have been possible if they weren't killed. It shook the balance of the elements, of magic, and nature itself," Lilika explained. "The whole mess probably ended entire species of plants and animals."
"I heard the Alsakar Islands came from the earth Titan's footsteps."
"I don't think a Titan could do all that, Keff," Betiara objected with a chuckle. "Why would they be volcanic islands? Maybe it was the fire Titan."
"I said I heard it, not that I believed it," Keff laughed.
"Thank you for the explanation." Who could know what really transpired? I pondered this question for a moment. "So, old Nere... when were they active?"
"Oh, further back than history currently records! They were thought to have disappeared during or after the Emergence."
"No wonder people are interested in the Caverns, then. The Old Nere could have killed the Titans."
"That is certainly possible," Sekvi assured me. I wondered why such history was unclear while Keff was able to trace his roots back to the first Sun Paladin.
"So ghosts are real. What's up with that?"
"You don't have ghosts on Earth?" Betiara asked.
"Well, it's debated. I never really experienced anything supernatural, but it was hard to discount them entirely."
"You didn't look too scared when the ghosts of my ancestors helped Betiara. Most people would be if they’d never seen one before."
"Well, they were helping Betiara and I could tell you had some sway over the situation."
"You know," Keff began, "for someone from a planet without ghosts or magic, you accepted them pretty quickly. Why is that?" His question was incisive; I had never considered my ready acceptance of such notions. Few answers met the call of my question. I lay my right forearm over my tome and shrugged my left shoulder against my staff.
"I guess it doesn't seem reasonable or helpful to deny what's obviously in front of me. I'm not on Earth anymore, so I can't... be the same person I was there. Does that make sense?"
"In more ways than one," Betiara affirmed as she placed her paw on my shoulder. "That's a healthy attitude."
"It helps that I've been through worse, I guess." The others wore surprised expressions as they met my eyes. I felt my stomach tighten in response to this attention. "No, I mean that in a good way!"
"Madison, if suddenly being taken from your home and all the familiarity that comes with it is a good thing, it's not," Betiara asserted, aghast. This was one of those moments in which something I had accepted as a given was revealed to be anything but. I felt embarrassed by my misconception, and stupid to have not realized this fact sooner. All the abuse, alienation and refusal I'd experienced from family, friends and others had created warped expectations of my life and myself. I wilted under my friends' concern and sought seclusion by averting my eyes. It didn't make me feel any better. A horrible thought occurred: what if these matters were the reason that I identified with dragons? I had experience with this question, however, as my gender identity had come under identical self-scrutiny in the past. This was again not the answer to my predicament, as I had enjoyed depictions of dragons long before I felt the ramifications of my mistreatment. They were part of my self-conceptualization as far back as I could remember. I didn’t identify with dragons. I was a dragon.
I could remember the first time I encountered the concept of a dragon. Dragonheart, starring Sean Connery, was playing on TV. The movie had captivated me, and I was able to watch the entire film without my parents knowing. Seeing a mighty creature that didn't have to answer to anyone but his one ally inspired me. The connection the antagonist shared with the dragon was all the more potent an interest. Unless my memory failed me, the antagonist possessed part of the dragon's heart, both as a source of power and his ultimate undoing. I empathized with the dragon's loneliness, as well, as the last of his kind. Something about his story resonated within me. As I got older, I read the Inheritance series of books, watched How to Train Your Dragon, and indulged in other media that left similar impressions upon me. Star Wars could only have been improved by the presence of dragons. It was a hot take, but I was confident in my evaluation.
I realized myself as we crossed into the village of Elata. Sekvi, as always, introduced us to the residents. Looks of awe, interest, hope and distrust met our presence; news of our recent deeds had arrived ahead of us. One villager recognized me from the same publication I'd purchased after creating my transmuter's stone. I offered a modest smile and shrugged my shoulders, attempting to display that the matter was of little consequence to me. Villagers of all ages sought handshakes regardless. Work was abundant, and I would do more than clean clothes today. Keff spotted a pile of cut lumber and insinuated an idea with a nudge. We agreed to attempt Fabrication of a simple building on the condition that I was given as much guidance as possible. Instruction took much more time than the actual construction of the imminent schoolhouse. With help from Keff and the schoolmaster, I was able to Fabricate an entryway for the building before rain arrived. I considered this comparatively meager accomplishment good enough.
Providing my signature laundry service was inevitable, but I enjoyed this work. The villagers spoke to me of their lives and asked questions about my own. Certain details were strategically omitted as I attempted to satisfy their curiosity. Many of them enjoyed my presence, though a few of them were convinced that I was from Alanuwa, and were thus cautious around me. I understood their hesitation, with war looming a mere day's travel to the South. My work mercifully proceeded without incident. Once our chores were done and our lunch was eaten, we decided to return to Nereved. The sky finally gave way to rain as we departed the village. I raised my hood and retrieved the cinder block from my bracelet, knowing that rain would lower the ambient temperature. Conversation was pleasantly light on the return trip. We celebrated each other's accomplishments and shared many a witty observation of our renown.
"I'm just happy I could make a difference," I said as we approached the middle of a flat stone bridge. The structure ran over a now swollen stream, but as picturesque as the scene was, I felt a certain unease on the back of my neck. Someone was watching us. "Stop," I said quietly with all the urgency I could muster. My friends trusted me enough to listen. Betiara, Keff and Lilika immediately surveyed our surroundings. Sekvi, however, was focused on me.
"Is something wrong?"
"Someone's watching us, but... I don’t know where." None of us noticed anything out of the ordinary as we scanned the area.
"Perhaps someone got sloppy while scrying on us. In any case, acting suspect would only alert them, would it not?" I felt a sense of electricity in my chest as adrenaline began to pulse through me. What was I so afraid of? Was I having a panic attack? Sekvi placed their hands over my forearms in a show of reassurance. The others glanced back to us and offered shrugs or shakes of their head. "Perhaps we should keep moving," is what they likely would have said if they hadn't been interrupted by several thudding sounds. They stopped, suddenly alarmed, but they were alright. They were alright. Sekvi was okay. Lilika screamed, and Sekvi fell into my arms with a set of arrows sticking out of their back. Several figures whipped into view; we were surrounded. Four hooded archers, three with crossbows and one carrying a shortbow, were preparing a second volley. An armored dragonborn brandished a sword at the North end of the bridge, and behind us stood a tabaxi mage with fiery energy swirling over his hand. Sekvi wasn't moving.
"Our contract's for the Seer," the figure with the shortbow shouted from his grassy nest at the end of the bridge. "Will you make this difficult?" Fear and fury drove my resolve. We were beyond settling this the easy way. I knew what my friends would do: Keff and Betiara would bull rush, Lilika would heal Sekvi, and if Sekvi were revived, they would do something to establish control over the engagement. All of their eyes were darting over our assailants. I was fixated on the mage, however. My knowledge of magic told me that he posed the most immediate threat. In answer to the archer's question, I steeled myself and Banished the mage with a single spread of my hand. A look of terror came over him as he disappeared in a mild flash of light, exactly as I'd intended. The shock inflicted upon the rest of the assassins bought time for Lilika to heal Sekvi. They moaned in agony and conjured a spectral doorway that they proceeded to crawl through. White light filled the other side of the frame. Once they were through, the doorway vanished.
"YOU WON'T LIVE TO REGRET THIS," Keff bellowed as he charged toward the horrified archers with his hammer drawn. A fresh arrow skipped off the weapon, but a second caught him in the forearm. He paid this wound no mind, and continued charging toward the archer that fired upon him.
"Kill the mages first," the archer shouted as he was met by claws and hammer as he was quickly sandwiched by our melee combatants. Keff's first strike hit the archer so hard that he fell out of the hammer's following strike. Betiara raked her claws across the archer's stomach. A rush of blood preluded the outward collapse of the man's entrails, revealed to be a tanned elf as he slumped into the wet grass. I quickly averted my eyes as nausea threatened to overwhelm me. Arrows streaked at me from both directions. I raised a rose gold bubble shield around my person just in time to block all three projectiles. Lilika shifted low as she sidestepped, managing to dodge a volley of her own. The swordsman, however, rushed her while she was pinned in this new position. A well-placed jab cut along her side, and a withdrawal cut her further. She screamed again, this time in anger rather than shock.
"Group 'em up," she cried. I knew that Keff and Betiara would rush the swordsman. If Lilika had a plan for the other archers, then I was determined to handle the lone archer at the South end of the bridge. A whip-like motion of my staff conjured its usual, thorned implement that wrapped around the vulnerable combatant’s waist. My spell had less effect than it usually did, but I was thankful that it managed to restrain him. I decided to take a risk and rush the man, thus removing his ability to attack me at range. Yet another scream erupted behind me as Lilika suffered a third strike from the swordsman. A sickeningly calm smile adorned his face as she stepped back, but this sight was quickly obscured by a towering eruption of flame. Screams of burning men echoed across the plains. Everyone looked on in horror. All three assassins at the North end of the bridge had been trapped within a ring of gulfing fire that rose high into the air. Lilika's staff traced repeated circles, bidding the fire to follow her lead.
Keff and Betiara rushed the restrained archer beside me. Two swings of the hammer met only dirt as the archer dodged with surprising flexibility. Even so, he couldn't escape Betiara. Claws raked across the man's arms in an attempt to disable further shots. He was able to fire two arrows in Lilika's direction, but they both fell short. The screams were clearly affecting him more deeply than expected. "Stop, stop," he pleaded. "I give up!"
"I don't know," Betiara snarled. "What do you two think?" I couldn't bear to respond. The screaming was horrible.
"They're assassins; this is what they signed up for," Keff shouted. My desperation was growing by the second. A shaky hand rose to prepare a merciful end. Breath froze in my lungs as I shot a Fireball past Lilika. My flame joined hers, and I shut my eyes. A ferocious crack shattered the sky like lightning. Bodies, charred and sectioned by the blast, flew through the Wall of Fire and settled without further motion. The screams had stopped. My mother and I settled our respective fires in favor of leveling our hardened gazes at the remaining assassin. I knew that I would never forget the face that rapidly convulsed in fear. His bow fell to the ground. He had surrendered. The rain hardly dampened the horrific smells of singed flesh, blood, and urine on the part of the archer. Keff tackled him to the ground and bound his hands with rope. All I could do was watch, numbed by anger and adrenaline. Sekvi... Sekvi was likely still alive. I scanned the horizon to see them crawling out from under the bridge, gasping for breath as they emerged from the flowing water.
"S-... Sekvi's okay," I stuttered. My voice was louder than I intended it to be. Previous events had been traumatic for me, but this was a whole new ball game. I had taken a life today. Worse still, I had taken three.
"You're Alanuwan, aren't you?" Betiara questioned, kneeling to meet the archer's eyes. He quivered in fear of her bared fangs.
"Yes. We were, hired to, kill the Seer."
"Who hired you?" The man's eyes fell with his voice. "I won't ask you twice."
"Where's Banhir? He... what happened?"
"The mage," Keff grunted. My eyes went wide. I released my Banishment spell to find that it had already run its course. Banhir was gone to realms unknown. My nausea got the better of me, and I fell to the ground. I stared unseeing into an ocean of wet grass. The archer whimpered.
"He has a daughter..." My breakfast erupted from my mouth. I collapsed into a coughing fit and rolled onto my other side.
"Then he should have sought another profession," Sekvi asserted in a startlingly calm tone. "I never thought it would come to this. You, who would see me dead, grant a dead bard their final request: who paid you?" The man didn't answer. Lilika knelt beside me and started to rub my back, but I couldn't feel it.
"I can't tell you. I won't tell you."
"I'm well aware it was Ergar," Sekvi insisted in a eerily quiet tone. "I am more merciful than the sort that would poison arrows; if you return home, you'll be hunted until dusk inevitably finds you. If you don't... perhaps the king could use your services."
"Never. He took our food and broke your insult of a treaty. You know that!" The man squirmed against his bindings, falling still upon realizing his futility. "Grant me a quick death, quicker than the others."
"We can give you that. Are you certain?"
"We lived by the sword; this time, it found us first." The following silence fell deafened by rain. We stood together, soaking in various stages of dismay and dissociation. Even Rags hung his head low as he whined in concern. He licked my face, but I was too dismayed to pet him. I couldn't. The blood on my hands would transfer to him, and Rags was a much gentler being than I'd become. He didn't understand what I did.
"Well, friends, what are we to do? Does anyone volunteer?" The group was utterly silent. Sekvi sighed, placed a trembling hand upon the crank of their symphonia, and played a single note of unparalleled sharpness. The man went limp before us as blood began to pour from his ears. "Are we alright?"
"Sekvi," Betiara breathed as her fortitude began to wane. "Did you know this was going to happen?"
"No. I didn't know. I apologize profusely for the danger this has caused us all."
"Blue..." Keff gestured to Lilika and I. "How are we going to handle this?"
"First, we search their bodies for orders and equipment. Then we... go home and talk," they sighed. Betiara growled her displeasure as she began to search pockets. Keff and Sekvi joined them, but Lilika didn't part from me. She helped me to my feet. Shaken, distraught, shocked... I was in shock. Lilika calmed my emotions with magic, which settled long enough to precipitate into anger.
"What the fuck do we do now?!" The others stopped what they were doing to look at me. Lilika, meanwhile, provided a healing Aura of Vitality to those injured in the fight. "We just, I just killed these people! What are we supposed to do now? Will we ever sleep again? How can we live with ourselves?"
"By realizing this was a foregone conclusion," Betiara began. "If we let them go, they'd try again or kill others. If we hadn't left town, they would have found us at our home."
"Oh, sure, that fixes everything! I feel so much better now, what the hell?!" Her ears lowered while I shouted at her.
"Madison, I love you, and I'm struggling too. Yelling at me hurts."
"I'm sorry. I’m sorry. Fuck! I'm just scared and upset and I don't know what to do; I've never killed someone before!" I threw my staff to the ground and began to pace the mud. My mind was blazing at full speed, imagining every bad thing that could come of this result. The unknown fate of the mage was arguably worse than those more conclusive. Today's encounter would haunt me for the rest of my life. I had killed someone. I, Madison Cantrell, Taco Bell manager, a 22 year-old, killed four people today.
"I know, love. I... haven't... this is my first time, too. You have to understand that they were going to kill us regardless. Why would they leave witnesses to an assassination?" Betiara approached with a gentle air.
"To spread fear? Send a message?"
"If anything, Madison, you did the right thing. You acted quickly and decisively in defense of a loved one," Lilika offered. "Sekvi might have died if you hadn't bought me time to heal them, sweetie. You understand that, right?"
"There has to be a better choice I didn't see. I reacted too fast, I should never have used this evil sp-"
"There wasn't another choice," Keff interjected, "and that isn't your fault. You alright, Blue?"
"Breathing, though not unscathed... thank you. Madison, do you remember what we discussed some days ago?" Sekvi asked. I had to calm down; their words weren't reaching me. Powerlessness once again seeped into my very being.
"I-I'm done, I can't be doing this anymore," I relented, shaking my head and tossing my arms. "No more adventuring for me. I'll find a job and live in the city or in the middle of nowhere, or something, something that doesn't involve killing people. That guy's... that guy's daughter is out there without a dad now and... ohh, I just passed it on!" Tears and rain became indistinguishable as my knees grew weak below me. The horrible truth gripped me: this was, in a way, what I had wanted. My magic was meant to impart my experiences upon others, but today the intended goal hadn't been met. Instead of casting for the sake of enlightening those around me, I'd created an end. I stared at my discarded staff. It had symbolized so much hope before. My staff was a new beginning, my magic a vehicle for possibility. The weight of Sekvi's reference sank my soul into the same mud that enveloped my staff. A fatal message of irony tore a metaphorical hole in my being. I would live with that hole for thousands of years.
"I got their orders, and I found some necklaces that might be enchanted." Lilika held five amulets in a clenched fist, which she offered to me. "Can you check these out while I bury them?" I briefly entertained discarding my magic for good, but I found myself unable to do so. My magic wasn't the cause of today's harm; I was, and I knew that ignoring my reason for interacting with the Cradle wouldn't accomplish anything productive. Discarding my magic wouldn't assuage my guilt or the responsibility it required. I saw Keff and Sekvi embracing each other. Gentle hope met tumultuous worry in Lilika's eyes, and Betiara was staring into space while scrubbing blood from her fur. They needed to return to safety as much as I did. I accepted the amulets without a word and began casting Identify via ritual. Lilika hollowed five separate sections of earth while I worked, replacing that earth to serve as the only mark of the assassins' rest.
By some perverted chance, the amulets were intended to shield the wearer against Divination magic. I had never cared for irony. "Necklaces of Nondetection." One necklace was provided to each member of our group. I put Betiara’s necklace around her neck, and she wrapped her arms around me in a protective fashion.
"Ah, very lucky," Sekvi said in a hopeful tone. "This will discourage further insight into our locations. That being said, we'd best travel together at all times." Their expression fell with their words, but Keff was eager to lift them up.
"Yeah. We can... think of other ways to influence things."
"Or we can get out of harm's way," Lilika quietly suggested. "Either way, let's get back. I don't want to stick around here." The sentiment was unanimous. We resumed our path to Nereved, but I found my legs uncooperative as we left the area. I turned around to look over the assassins' graves and wished that I could have done more for them. Were they in a position that mirrored our own, or were they craven and opportunistic? Did they expect this job to be their last? They were prepared, lying in wait, and would have finished the job if not for Lilika's intervention. The last thing they knew was failure their needless deaths. My guilt told me that I deserved a place beside them. Betiara, however, thought otherwise. Her paw closed over my muddy left hand, and consequently around my staff. Uncharacteristic vulnerability pulled her expression low. She hadn't been in such a state since she had revealed herself to us in Letvel.
"Do you want to fight, or do you want to survive?"
"Neither. I want to live. They don't have that chance anymore..." I felt Betiara's grip tighten. It felt like affirmation.
"We do. Our times will come, but it's not now. Live with me, Madison, please. I need you." To be at peace with Betiara was all that I really wanted right now. I imagined us living in a small house akin to Lilika's, far away from unnecessary troubles, content to be dragon and werewolf together. The morning sun shone upon the mossy porch, upon which we sat to watch the day go by. Steam rose from cups of tea. The only darkening of the scene came from travelers that needed nothing substantial from us: directions, advice, anything friendly and without weight. My hand tightened around her paw as we rejoined the others. None of us spoke on the way back to Nereved. The sound of our boots trudging through mud became lost in a sea of falling rain. I watched the mud displace itself under our weight, and within I realized commonality: life was often such. We were mud to be rained on, unmoving until acted on by outside forces. Efforts to the contrary had mixed results, but I imagined the mud had likely learned its place better than we had. I closed my eyes; this kind of self-talk was the opposite of healing.
Rain pattered against the window of our apartment. We sat, huddled and wet, on the floor of the kitchen. Words were absent from us, but our expressions ferried ample sentiment. Sekvi's lightened spirits had been crushed, and they hid their face in their knees. Keff merely stared at the floor. Lilika watched the storm outside while Betiara stared at the ceiling. I, meanwhile, felt urgent questions boiling within. They would find their way out of me one way or another. I wanted to ask the others if we could live with ourselves now, but I knew that any alternative wasn't viable. A more functional question rose instead. "Who sent them, you think?"
"It was mostly likely Ergar," Sekvi offered, muffled by their self-enclosure. They didn't raise their head. "He was a staunch opponent to the treaty on the Alanuwan side. A nobleman... he took particular dislike to my humble origins and particular insult to losing his stake in local farmland."
"You think it was a grudge," Betiara asked.
"As well as a convenient way to discourage my further involvement. If the other side attempts to negotiate with the Sun King, the sentiment is clearly not universal." So Alanuwa wanted to fight... I wasn't made to endure politicking.
"Is he still a threat? Do you think he'll do this again, Blue?"
"No. The war is imminent, and that will take far more of his attention than I will. I feel it's likely that this was an attempt to settle a personal score so that he would be less distracted when the time came. That, or to send a pre-emptive message."
"We should leave." I was grateful that Lilika felt the same way I did. "War's right around the corner, and there's no telling what could happen if we're caught by surprise."
"We should. Look at what happened today," Betiara affirmed. Keff parted a heavy sigh.
"Where would we go? Our home's gone, and we all hate it here."
"It's even begun to sour on me," Sekvi commented.
"We could go back to Letvel," I suggested. "We know the area and it's far enough from Alanuwa to escape the brunt of the fighting, if they even make it that far North."
"I don't... want to revisit the memories I have there." Betiara sighed, letting limp arms drop to the floor. "People stare at me in Letvel, and they know me. It's uncomfortable."
"What about the port, across the East Karths?"
"It may no longer exist. I haven't heard much news during my outings; its industries are compromised, at the very least. Our options are tragically slim..." We fell silent once more. Lilika, however, carefully broached an unorthodox idea.
"Your parents were from Ygsild, weren't they, Sekvi?"
"My mother was. How could you tell?"
"Your name, and the fact that orcish folk are much more common on the other side of the mountains. My grandparents came from there, too. Think about it: a neutral third country where war can't reach us, the calm environment, and all the old magic! It's a ways away, but it might be worth the trip."
"The wet and cold won't be good for Madison," Keff sighed.
"I can take it if I keep the cinder block on me."
"I hear it's not like the valley. It rains all the time."
"My contacts in the Conclave have said the same," Sekvi confirmed. "The proximity to the ocean stabilizes the temperature, but its resulting rainfall keeps temperatures low. Still, with its dense forests and low population density, it would aid our desired seclusion."
"So y'all like that idea?"
"We'd have to pass through Letvel unless Madison can fly us there." I felt a strange upset come over me, an instinctual resistance to the notion of being ridden regardless of its convenience.
"I hate that idea for some reason." This statement, of all things, brought fledgling smiles to my friends' faces.
"If we needed further proof that Madison was a dragon, I believe we now have it."
"I get it, sweetie. I shaped into a deer once to lead a lost child back to town. She tried to climb on my back and ride me; I'm too old for that kind of roughhousing." Sekvi finally raised their head to laugh. The dour tension of the room began to ebb away.
"I'm not exactly aerodynamic," Keff laughed. "She'd drop like a rock anyway."
"I guess I'm not fond of flying anyway," Betiara chuckled. "So... is it Ygsild, then, until we have a better idea?"
"I'll make sure we're safe and healthy along the way. Y'all have my word on that."
"I suppose a change in scenery could do us well. I wouldn't mind cozying up to the Bjonsa Circle..."
"Fine by me," Keff shrugged.
"The druids don't mind werewolves, right Lilika?"
"Nope!"
"It sounds fine to me. When would we leave? I... I think I'm on the cusp of fixing my nightmares, and I want to do that before we hit the road. Walking that far without restful sleep would suck." The others offered no contest to my stated need. No matter how low our situation sank, no matter what horrors met us, they were always with me. I felt so humbled by the amount of trust we held for each other.
"How long would you need, love?"
"I think I could knock two spells out by tomorrow night if I started, like, now." Sekvi looked at me with their mouth agape. Was my progress really so rapid? "I'm just so fucking ready for all this to be over, you know? Spending the rest of my life afraid of the dark and afraid to sleep just... I'd be a liability."
"You're never a liability," Keff corrected without missing a beat.
"My life was saved today by your expedient action and our combined show of force. If you need one day, then we will leave the morning after next. Is this acceptable to you all?" The answers were unanimous; the plan was set. We had an escape route and a date of execution. Things were coming together. We would all be safe. I gently pet over Rags' back.
"I'm just glad you're okay, Sekvi. I feel like... if something happened to any of you, this bright place would be so much darker." I sighed, the thought weighing heavy in my mind. "I don't know what I'd do." A sentimental smile came over Sekvi.
"I believe the feeling is mutual. If all goes well, we shouldn't have to worry about such a day for a long time." They sighed as they rose to their feet.
"Exactly," Betiara illustrated with a gesture of her paw. "We should stick together while we're in the city."
"Great minds, eh, Betiara?"
"If we're going to survive, we need to be on the same page."
"Guess we're going to the Conclave for ink, then? Would they let us in?"
"With Madison and me in tow, I couldn't imagine being refused." With this in mind, we made our way to the Conclave headquarters to fetch some ink. Lilika took my arm after the others crossed the threshold, however.
"Are you alright?"
"No... I need to get this spell done tonight or today will haunt my nights forever."
"We'll get you there, sweetie, don't worry. Do you enjoy working on spells?"
"Yeah. It's therapeutic; it makes me feel like I have a right to be here, and it’s a helpful distraction." Lilika considered my answer while we walked. I noticed the others periodically glancing over their surroundings and decided to follow suit. Nothing seemed to be misplaced. The usual city guard that watched our movements had been replaced by a royal guard. Was this an effort of security on our behalf? Either way, this change made me nervous. "It feels like I'm earning it this way."
"Madison, no one has to earn the right to exist," she asserted in protest. "We'll all tell you as many times as we have to."
"Well, no, but I'm not from here like you all. Today didn't help, either; I have a lot to make up for now." Disappointment creased Lilika's face. I found myself numbed to the anxiety it would have otherwise inspired. "I killed someone, mom, a few people. There might be consequences we can't foresee, and I have to live with it in the meantime."
"It was self-defense," she whispered, "and you were defending us, too. They chose to be assassins; you chose to have friends. Which of those choices is the better one?" I knew what she was trying to do. A sigh shook her argument's dust from my eyes, but I didn't refuse her reassuring touch. Trusting the others was supposed to be easy, like it was before; I didn't understand why it felt so difficult now. "There's no reasonable way you can turn this on yourself, sweetie. Please stop trying."
"It's more complicated than that."
"Is it...? Maybe I'm not helping right now. Maybe it's too soon-"
"No, you're... you're helping. You are." My eyes welled as I met Lilika's gaze. I couldn't withstand the weight of her care. "I don't know what I'm doing or how I should feel about this, and I need someone to make it objective so I don't have to assume I'm evil out of caution." The others had noticed that we were stopped at the door, and were watching us from a distance. I covered my face in the interest of privacy; tears alighted instead. A familiar embrace enclosed me while everything else fell away.
"Do you know why we're not worried about you being a dragon?"
"No."
"Because you're you." I still didn't understand why. "Think of it like this: if any creature in all the world were attacked, what would they do?"
"They'd fight."
"Dragon, dragonborn, human; what makes you any different? What makes any being different?" Lilika gently held my face and pulled my forehead down to hers. I understood now. "You're part of this world and its nature. Let yourself belong here." It was odd to feel so young and so very wizened. Lilika's words couldn't fix how I felt; I wasn't naive enough to believe that they could, but light now streamed through my cracked inner walls. The process of healing had begun. As we rejoined the others, we exchanged looks of acknowledgement and appreciation. We acknowledged our fears, our suffering, and our concerns with mere glances. Appreciation, likewise, traveled the same medium. None of us were unscathed, but we would find peace during our upcoming travels. Draping my arm over Sekvi's shoulders earned unexpected reciprocation: they leaned their head against me and closed their eyes. This show of trust emboldened the others to gather around them in kind.
We reached the Conclave without further incident. The promise I made to Gwyl was answered once we arrived; the others were mercifully content to gather in the library while I constructed my somnescent salvation. Betiara stepped into my office, however, once the transmuters gathered to watch me work. I explained the intent of my spell, its nature and its necessity. It felt terribly ironic that the Transmutation department had gathered to watch me create an Illusion spell. Silence preluded the beginning of my work. Invisibility and Enhance Ability provided the foundation of Dream despite their diverging purposes. The former was a useful Illusion spell, and the latter provided a basis of functionality. I needed this spell to control my dreams, though the mechanics of its construction required a particular method of capping its endpoints. It took all of my mental stamina to manage so many trailing effects. I worked well into the night to taper each logical string to a satisfying end, and many had returned home by the time I was done.
The end result was a spell that could work on others, as well. Pleasant dreams, nightmares, or anything in between could be invoked within a target of my choosing. Its relative discretion meant that I could pass messages to others if I needed to, though I couldn't foresee using the spell on anyone but myself. I denied my colleagues' request to see the spell in action. "It's something I need to do privately." Though disappointed, they mercifully accepted my rationale. I closed my tome and slumped into my chair. Gwyl wore a satisfied expression as she surveyed my fatigue from across the desk.
"You're on my level now, which makes you one of the most capable mages in the Conclave. How does it feel?"
"Exhausting. A little scary."
"Good! That means it's well-earned." Concern entered the kobold's eyes. "Your skill has grown so much in... less than two weeks. Stars above. How do you do it?" I met her gaze with uncertainty. The truth would come off as reductive or insulting, and she would likely know if I was lying to her. I had gathered that many mages worked their entire lives to reach the heights I'd achieved in mere months. It felt unfair, like I'd cheated somehow. I felt no better knowing that my apparent knack had been stifled by Earth's tyrannical circumstances. None of these people would know it; their eyes saw an apparent genius I felt I hadn't earned.
"Pattern recognition does most of the work. Drive, necessity and workaholic escapism do the rest." Gwyl offered an understanding nod in response. "It feels nice to finally be good at something, so I try to engage in this as much as possible. If I can use my magic to keep my friends and I safe, and impart my experiences and what they've taught me, then it's worth the effort. There's an agency in magic, too, that I haven't found anywhere else."
"There most definitely is." Gwyl sat back in her chair, as well, though she remained much more composed. "Do you have an end goal in your magic?"
"Well, to share myself with others through a very personal, meaningful medium... at least at first." I set my clawed hand upon my Spell Tome, tracing over the seasonal motifs with my thumb. "I feel like that's changing now. I'm not sure what it's changing into. Most of my recent spells have been practical, which likely suggests the new direction I'm taking."
"Practicality is what all this is for," she explained while paying a gesture to our surroundings. "Do you want to know what helped me?"
"Please."
"When I felt the same way you feel now, I created spells that reminded me of why I chose magic to be my solace." Gwyl fell silent for a moment. Her eyes drifted downward. "I wasn't always as nimble as I am now... my legs didn't form well in the egg. As you can imagine, Nereved isn't an easy city to navigate when your legs don't work. When I discovered magic, I found a way to give myself mobility with Longstrider, a basic Transmutation spell. One of the Conclave wizards transcribed it for me, and that led me to learning more, helping others, making money. I commissioned the sun clerics to heal me, and it eventually worked." Quiet filled the office again. I had only studied magic as a means to connect with this world. Gwyl had used it to love herself in the way she felt she needed most.
"How do you feel about that?"
"Believe it or not, I regret it, in a way. My difficulties created necessity, which created passion and skill that I wouldn't have found otherwise. I used to think of myself as broken, but that thought eventually healed me." A frown slowly creased Gwyl's face. "I can't help but wonder what could have been if I'd accepted myself as I was... not that I'd ever give magic up. What Therimurk did to you and Fithi was horrible; our situations don't compare, but I see you using magic to fix yourself in the same way I did. My point is that you should always remember where you came from, and why you do what you do. Don't lose that, alright?" The sentiment was enormous. The gesture was larger. I hadn't expected to grow close to Gwyl, but her trust and desire to help only shone brighter amid that contrast. The anticipation within her shining green eyes reminded me of the hope I discovered in learning Prestidigitation. In this crystalline moment, I realized what my next spell would be.
"I'm infinitely lucky to have you as a department head. Thank you, Gwyl, sincerely." Her countenance considerably brightened. My words couldn't do her justice, but I was happy that I could reward her vulnerability adequately.
"I wouldn't be much of one if I didn't help my colleagues from time to time. Go on home, it's late; your special someone is waiting for you."
"She... how can you tell?" Gwyl hopped down from her chair with a smirk and a flick of her tail.
"I have a woman waiting for me, too." We parted with mutual laughter, and I made for the library where the others swept me into their journey home. I felt badly about myself in spite of their affirmation. Regardless of the circumstances, I had ended lives today, and that fact would stay with me for the rest of my own. Thousands of years could pass without that guilt ever leaving my conscience. There would be happier memories in the meantime, however. I slipped myself under Betiara's arm as we walked. She rested her head upon mine, and I felt her warmth and safety ease some of my hurt. Breathing the clear night air focused my mind for tonight's imminent casting. I erected a Private Sanctum over the apartment, certain to overlap the door in case someone made unexpected ingress. We sat in the kitchen together, finishing a quick meal to carry us through the night. My bed was moved into Lilika’s room so Tiny Hut could provide a stalwart barrier against any intruders. I decided to give the others a demonstration of Dream once sleep was imminent.
Green candlelight filled the room as I settled into meditation. I had to envision the dream I wanted to experience tonight, with clarity being a priority. Thoughts came and went, floating away as suddenly as they'd arrived. My consciousness slowly grew still as I focused on my friends' ever-present support that allowed me to navigate the darkness of my eyelids. A simple seed of a dream took root within the void. These roots were willed to grow, to bud, to flourish into a pleasant experience. I saw an untouched Karthos Valley rimmed with coniferous trees and filled with a brilliant gradient of wildflowers. A pleasant breeze floated over an ocean of grass. Spring made itself known in familiar scents and sounds. For lack of a better word, home was to be my dream tonight, unscarred by any force ill or natural. I lay back in the flowers and watched birds ride the wind South. This was my notion of peace, of calm, of familiarity and stability. I so gladly lost myself to this contented vision of sleep.