My first morning in Sekvi's tower began with sun streaming in through my window. I rubbed my eyes and took a look outside to find that I could see over the 8th, 1st and 2nd Spokes, as well as some of the land outside of town. The North road branched East to cross the river and head into the mountains from the look of the rippling reflection of moonlight, but the forest obscured what lay beyond what I could immediately see. I took a breath and told myself that I would love getting used to this view. In want of breakfast, I eventually tore myself away to prepare myself for the day. My green dress was my outfit of choice today. Now that I have spells intended for self defense, I fastened my tome's holster over my right hip to compliment my bag and component pouch resting upon my left. I felt like I was kitted out; hopefully that kit didn't include a swollen head. Breakfast with Sekvi was light and pleasant, but it was obvious that they weren't a morning person. It was enlightening to see my teacher sporting a cow lick. We shared a mutually-prepared meal of biscuits with sparkdrop gravy, and I left for the smithy.
Something was off as I stepped outside. I saw something that wasn't previously present in my peripheral vision and started in surprise, the Fire Bolt I had prepared fizzling away when I identified the presence as Betiara. She stood forward from the wall and locked eyes with me. There was a harder look to them than there had been during our meeting in the bathhouse. "H-, hi. Is...? Something wrong?"
"You're not a good liar, Madison."
"Wh-, what?"
"I checked. Arizzonah doesn't exist." The constant flow of time stopped as my eyes went wide. What kind of trouble was I in, that Betiara would search me out to confront me like this so early in the morning? Had I blown it? Was this it? Was I going to be run through just when a life was finally on the horizon? I wondered if it would be better to just tell her, but I was afraid that would upset her further. She would either disbelieve my story or, like it had for Keff, feel the weight of existential uncertainty in this world and those distant. I didn't know what to do.
"I'm sorry," I breathed through the feeling of my throat closing up in panic. No other words came to me.
"Everyone has secrets, Madison, but some secrets cause harm that I can't have in this town. I have to keep people safe. Unsafe things have been happening around the time that you showed up... so I'm going to ask you one time, and one time only. Is your secret something that could bring hurt to the people of this valley?"
"I don't, think so? I can't imagine how it would affect anyone or hurt anyone, I think it's just me. Please." It was happening again. She wouldn't believe me. Everything was going to be awful again. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault! I could feel my breaths coming quicker and quicker as my vision blurred with fear. I blinked enough water away to see Betiara's nostrils flare. She wore an uneasy expression as she scrutinized me.
"What are you trying to do?"
"I was, gonna, save for a business permit, and open a laundry service. I'm not strong enough for the smithy. Keff said he'd help."
"No... here in town. What are you here for?"
"I don't know." It was all falling apart. This was the end. I had tried my best, and it wasn't good enough. It was never good enough. I was never good enough. "I'm just here and I don't know why or how and I'm scared of it so I try to ignore it so I don't fall apart."
"Ohhh no. Okay, Madison? I might have made a mistake. Sorry. Here." I felt strong, gloved hands gently rest on either side of my shoulders. The reminder that my body existed instinctually led me to cover my eyes with one hand and my midsection with my other forearm. I cried silently, but my whole body was leaning into it. I felt my entire stomach heave every breath. I felt cold with fear, hot with anger, and electric with stressful confusion. "Who did this to you?"
"I think I did," I blubbered. I couldn't tell her. "Or the universe did. I can't tell you. It's fucked up. It's so fucked up." Betiara's expression of dismay and confusion didn't help the situation. She was glancing around, unsure of what to do. I expected everyone around to be staring at us. It turned out that I was not okay in the slighest.
"Okay. Uh. Shit. Uh. Hang on." Betiara rushed over to the tower and beat on the wall with a gauntleted fist. "Captain of the guard, urgent business." A door appeared in the wall within moments, and the disheveled, morning version of Sekvi appeared at the door. They gasped when they saw the state I was in and rushed over to usher me inside. Betiara followed.
"What happened?!"
"I confronted her about a lie she told me the other day. There have been bandits and undead outside of town, so I asked her about it and, uh," Betiara explained, gesturing to me with both hands. "She invented a fake place of origin and reason for being here, she's using magic... there was a possibility."
"Oh, you didn't." Sekvi brought me to my room and sat me on my bed, squaring off with Betiara as if to protect me from her. Their hands were on their hips; they meant business.
"I see now that she lied because someone did something to her and she doesn't want to talk about it. I messed up, okay?"
"Gods, you can be a real cudgel Betiara." She could only cover her face with her palm in response to this description. "How do I fix this?"
"Don't press her! She told Keff and I and it's... substantial. She's harmless, at stake of my reputation! I verified what she told me; it's hard for me to believe but she has experienced an anomaly. It's her story to tell when she's ready, do you understand?" The raised voices weren't helping, but I was grateful to be left out of the immediate squabble while I let my emotions happen. I was too far over the threshold of holding it in at this point; this was my next best option. If only Mage Armor worked on trauma...
"I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'll back off." Betiara's sharp features softened as earnest regret melted into her expression. She looked over Sekvi's shoulder at me as if wishing she could do something more to right the situation.
"Alright, well, why do you linger in my tower?"
"Right, I'll-" The captain took the hint and left the room, the sound of her footsteps receding down the tower's stairs. Sekvi turned to me and sighed. They took a glowing blue sphere in their hand and quickly traced a complex pattern against it with their finger.
"Keff, Sekvi. Betiara sensed something was wrong and pressed Madison for explanations. She made Madison cry. Please talk to that fumbling stone of a woman." Silence resumed the room as Sekvi kept their eyes fixed upward as if listening for something. "Keff says to take the day off if you want, or come in late. He'll speak to her. If I provide ingredients, will you be able to feed yourself?"
"Probably," I croakked through the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry."
"No. You did nothing wrong. She couldn't have known, but I know her, and she likely pushed you when she could have chosen to trust Keff and I to facilitate you." Sekvi approached the bed and offered their hand. "I wish I could do more, but I have meetings I can't miss. I'll return to check on you when I can. If you need something, Keff will help, okay?"
"Okay. Sorry. Thank you." My teacher, ever understanding, left and quickly returned with some food items before scurrying back to their work again. I hated being a burden, someone that needed looking after. Distracting Sekvi from important matters of diplomacy and who knows what else was intolerable to my conscience. I was clearly not as okay as I thought I was; having forward momentum and plans for the future was not enough to steady myself emotionally. How was I going to solve this? Could I fix myself in the way that I needed to be fixed, so that this wouldn't derail me so easily and often? Therapy likely hadn't been invented yet, so my best resources were Sekvi's and Keff's emotional intelligence, and... myself. I had experienced something that, while not terrible, was still traumatic in nature. It was honestly an easier event to withstand than most of my life had been until this happened. Whatever helping myself would require, the way forward was nebulous. I had a problem and I needed to get it under control at the very least; my experience told me that time would unfortunately be the most likely to heal me.
Maybe further integrating into this world and living everyday life would be an adequate way to ground myself. I felt conflict with the fact that I had no idea how long I would be here, but while I was here, I had to do something. Magic was all well and good on its own... finding a purpose for using it was what I needed to do. I was laying a foundation in these early stages, with self-defense adequately assured by my small array of spells. How could I build out from there? A sigh announced the collapse of my head into my hands. The way my new face was shaped had funneled my tears forward and down my cheeks in a way that passed the water over my scales; I didn't have to worry about drying under my scales after crying. That was an enormous boon, considering how much I seemed to cry these days. The mental work, the silence and the comfortable temperature of my room slowly calmed me down. I felt my hypothesis could be correct: grounding myself in the everyday processes of this world seemed to help in the short run. Time may tell whether it worked in the long run, too. It was a start. A short time later, after I'd achieved a comfortable calm and decided that I didn't bear any ill will toward Betiara for prioritizing the safety of the town, I doused a chunk of bread in ale and made my way to the smithy.
The back of the tower's front door stopped me. I felt tightness returning to my chest, tapering up into my throat as if to choke my willingness to go out. Was I ready? What if something happened? Now that the rush of panicked emotion had subsided, I felt a slower, quieter vulnerability set in. My hand dropped to my side as I stared at the grain in the wood, stained blue by soft magical light that cast my shadow forward. My shadow is different too; that wasn't something I had considered of my transformation. For a reason I couldn't identify, I began to feel all the depths of how different I was now. I was me, but I was different in all the ways I had wondered, and likely in more I didn't yet know. A dragonborn... that's what I was now. Whether or not some inner aspect of myself had been changed at the same time as my body had, the experience of this new body would change me. I felt it happening already. Coming to the Cradle and enduring the new experiences that came with it had broken my walls down, the cold, mossy stone that had held me aloft and impervious to the cruelty of the world fell from me in every step as dust. I would have to build a new foundation now, and maybe new walls, too. A fanciful part of me imagined that this could also be a chance to live without walls if I chose to. Being an outsider here, however, reminded me that I would likely always be behind in my understanding of the world. I would need some amount of walls in a world full of magic. I would need some amount of fortification to step outside this door.
A stiff chill easily blew through my dress as I walked up the 3rd Spoke. I'd examined what I could of the climate over nine days so far, and I was beginning to think Karthos Bend sat upon an elevated area or at a strong longitude. While I had never been, I imagined that it was akin to the Rocky Mountain Plateau along Wyoming and Montana, and the Cascade Valley on the West coast. I made a mental note to research the geography of the local area as soon as I was able to read. Town was as busy as ever. People of all sorts went about their daily business, few taking notice of me. I wondered if dragonborn eyes bore telltale signs of crying like human eyes did. Amidst my continued musing, I was nearly tripped by something akin to a dog that emerged from an alley situated between two fenced-in yards. The creature, large, shaggy and thin, appeared to belong to an older human woman. She was bundled up in this weather in layers of fabric and furs, dressed far more sensibly than I was. A face wrinkled with age and upset rose from the ground to behold me instead. I was taken aback by the pointed look to the woman's gaze. "Good morning," I quietly offered in hopes of brightening her day.
"Morning," she acknowledged in return. I was getting somewhere. Something was bothering her... we belonged to the same club today. I debated whether I should speak to her further, or if it was better to leave her be. It wasn't much of a debate. I had much to pay forward.
"Are they friendly? Can I pet them?"
"See if he'll let you. He's Rags."
"Hey Rags," I said to the creature as I held my hand out for him to sniff. One of the people I had known on Earth worked with dogs, and I had been given a run-down of how to interact with them safely. Rags indeed sniffed over my hand, then bumped it with his face. I had been given the green light and obliged accordingly. His gray fur wrapped into locks that tumbled off of him, softer than they looked. Those behind his ears were closely braided.
"He likes you. I live on my own, so I try to give him some social time when I can. It's good for us," the stranger explained as Rags flopped the side of his massive body against me. I obliged by giving him affirming, stiff pats along his back.
"I like him too. I don't think I've seen a creature like him before, what is he?"
"Dire dog. Big, protective, sometimes standoffish things." A gesture of the woman's hand indicated one of Rags' braids. "Rags gets hot easily so I weave his fur to give it some space for the cold to get in. You know, I've never seen a dragonborn this far North before. Do you manage the cold months well?"
"Well enough! It gets sharp sometimes but I haven't had any big problems. I suppose I'm a little far from home."
"Ah, I see. I'm from out there." A thumb indicated the mountains behind her to the East. "Lived here all my life." I could tell her expression was brightening little by little as we spoke.
"The mountains are beautiful in the mornings. Have you had any problems? I heard there's been some bandits out that way lately."
"Oh, they know better than to mess with me while Rags is around." I could see why. Rags was huge, and likely quick on his feet.
"I'll bet," I affirmed while scratching behind Rags' ears. His tail announced his appreciation of the gesture. "So... I don't mean to pry, but you looked upset before. Is everything alright?" This earned a sigh from the old woman.
"There's not a lot of money in the mountains, and he eats a lot. I'm trying to put together a plan to get us some food for the day. It's cold enough for the little things to stay hidden out there, so hunting would take all day." That was a position I had been before. Keff had said I could be late today in light of my difficulty.
"I... know a spot. I'll get you something. Would you like to walk together?" The older woman had a certain spark in her eye as she looked me over as if assessing me for potential danger. Given that I was unarmed and lightly dressed, I imagined I didn't look terribly threatening aside from how tall I had become. She wouldn't have to worry with Rags around either way.
"That would be a very big help, if you're sure."
"Definitely. I was in a similar position when I came to town recently, and I grew up poor, so. I know how important food is. There's a place on the 4th Spoke, by the river. I've only had the salad but it's good, so I imagine the rest of it's good, too." I offered a hand to help the stranger up, which she accepted. Rags didn't react with any diligence to my closeness to his person. I was definitely not considered a threat. The stranger began walking in the direction that I had indicated. Knowing that Rags would likely walk on her right side, I covered her left.
"You know, I find those that grow up hard are more generous to others in need than those that didn't. This is real kind of you, sweetie." I noticed a few people passing us quizzical glances as we walked. Perhaps the combination of a mountain woman, a dire dog and a dragonborn was an unusual one for the people of Karthos Bend.
"Oh, it's... I don't mind, really. Everyone needs help sometimes."
"That they do. I have a question for you now: you look a little thin; getting just a salad from this eatery and nothing else makes me worry if you're eating well."
"Oh, yes, I am, I, appreciate your concern. I-I had bread with it."
"Well, that's good. You're getting your meats though, aren't you?" I inhaled as quietly as I could. Here we go, this again. The pleasantness was nice while it lasted.
"I, well, avoid eating that kind of thing. It's an ethical concern for me. I'm not a holy person or anything, I just... make certain observations for myself when I feel it's necessary."
"Is that so?" A canny smile crossed the woman's face as she eyed me intently. "Me too. Rags hunts what he needs to and I repurpose what's left." She indicates the furs she wears. I suppose those could have been obtained ethically, if the animal had died from natural causes beforehand. I wasn't going to pick this stranger's morality apart when we'd just met. Rags was probably a guarantee of protection out in the mountains.
"Really? That's, cool, I imagine that's not very common here."
"It is with some of the druid folk. That's where I got the idea. It costs less at the market and it means I don't have to hunt. Plus the vegetables are easy on my aging pipes," the woman explained with a humorous slant. Her vulgarity was something I appreciated, given that I found it compatible with my worldly sense of humor.
"Ahah, yeah, fair enough! Ah, oh, I'm Madison, what's your name?"
"Lilika. What do you do here in town, Madison?" We decided to cut through an alley that led to the 4th Spoke. I was grateful, as though Keff had given me a grace period to arrive at work, I didn't want to give him the visual impression of goofing off.
"I work at Keff's smithy. He very kindly offered me a job when I arrived here without money, food or suitable clothes for the climate."
"You? Working metal?"
"I'm not super good at it, but I'm passable enough to get him through the day," I chuckled. "I'm actually looking at opening a laundry service though. I study with the wizard at night and I've learned some tricks that will let me clean and repair people's clothes for them quickly and cheaply."
"Is that so? It's always good to have a plan. I've never been the type to work for someone else, so I imagine I would come to a similar decision if I lived in town."
"Oh, I'm the same way. I have my own ideas and one of those is to help the town see to a basic need. I spent days stressing about how I'd clean my clothes until I had enough money to do it at the bathhouse. Like, imagine all the time I could save people while I can charge half the price for it." I saw Lilika look me over again out of the corner of my eye. It was like she was looking for something, but I couldn't tell what it was. Hopefully she didn't plan to rob me.
"I know I spend hours washing mine. I think you're right. It's nice that you want to use what you know to help people in a way that makes a difference in their lives."
"That gives me some confidence in this. Thank you. I just... magic is a special thing to me, and the whole point of learning magic is to use it, right? It feels like a good way to leave the world better than I found it." Lilika started to smile now. Silence filled the space of the conversation as we approached the restaurant.
"I can only agree." Lilika chose a salad and bread for herself and a bird leg for Rags, and they both finished their food in short order. We bid our farewells, but as I turned to leave, I felt a hand close around mine. I turned quickly and found that Lilika had stopped me for some reason. She pressed five copper coins, the amount I had just spent on food, into the hand she now held. "It gets lonely in the mountains. I'm here to find someone I can trust, and I found you."
"Oh." It was all I could say. I wondered why she couldn't have simply walked around and talked to people, but I imagined many wouldn't be so ready to help someone that appeared to need it. The culture in which I had grown up judged need harshly, even after that culture inherently created that need. I hoped things were different here. Rags approached to sit beside his person and watch me with equally keen eyes, and the situation suddenly felt larger than it was. "Okay, I'm, glad I could help."
"You have. It pays to have a druid for a friend. If you take the East gate, I'm two miles out, where the trees meet the rocks. Before I go, is there anything you need that I could help you with?" There was one thing that came to mind... primal casters had to know something of local geography, right?
"Can you tell me about the climate here? What to expect as far as temperatures and weather go, altitude, the area of the, uh, world we're in?" This request seemed to please Lilika further. She proceeded to explain that Karthos Valley's cooler climate was due both to its Nothern latitude and its elevation. The valley had been carved out by glacial rivers long ago, though the land still sat upon a high plateau. At night, the air above would chill and roll down nearby mountains, resulting in fog when the air was sufficiently humid from the river. I wondered if the coming wall would lessen this effect. We were close enough to the ocean to benefit from stable enough temperatures, so while it would dip to near freezing temperatures until late Spring, the coming Summer would be mild. The northern road would bring one to sparse, smaller towns amid alpine wilderness, while the southern road would lead to a hilly lower elevation and distant cities. A passage through the mountains to the East lead to a barren, rocky coastline dotted with moderately-sized seafaring settlements. The distant West passage, however, held largely untamed forest and marshland. Traders of an especially hardy or adventurous nature would pass through Karthos Bend on the way to or from the port towns. While the topic was relevant, I asked of Nereved, a name I heard before, and I was told that was far to the Southeast along the coastal expanse of the Nere Desert. Immensely satisfied with the information provided to me, I decided it was time to return to work, and I thanked Lilika for her help. She departed with a reminder that I was welcome to visit her and Rags at any time. It would do me well to travel outside of town at some point, so I enjoyed the idea of a nice walk to the mountains.
Lilika's arrival had been a whirlwind for me. I observed that while Keff and Sekvi had been freely giving of themselves, the druid had needed a vetting process in order to trust someone with her company. She must have undergone some trauma in the past. It could be that druids had their ways. I had heard of druids on Earth before; they were ancient Celtic spiritual figures that had run afoul of the English. The similar terminology was either of coincidence or what my pendant had decided was the closest intelligible translation of the true word. I wondered if similarly vetting her would be a good idea, just in case. "Hey Keff. Sorry." Keff looked up from his work and waved me over. The store was empty of customers for the moment, as orders had been made and his construction inventory had been cleared out.
"No. Sekvi filled me in, and Betiara stopped by to... fill me in. You alright? You look like you're somewhere else." I didn't realize I was so far into my own head that it was outwardly noticeable. It made sense; I had a tendency to zone out when my mind was burdened.
"I still feel some emotional shock. I don't know."
"Mm. If it helps, she's terrible with people."
"Something we have in common."
"You do fine. I can tell you don't blame her."
"Not when I'm keeping such a big secret. She was just paying attention. There's bandits around, a wall going up, she's... I believe her. The circumstance just sucks." How was I feeling? I felt a sense of defeat. There was uncertainty, too, as I wondered how long I would be able to keep up the facade of belonging. No matter what I thought of myself, and no matter what I thought of being brought to the Cradle, it was clear that I didn't belong here. I was an outsider and always would be. "I guess keeping that secret will be my life for as long as I'm here."
"Only part of it. There's a lot more to life than where you came from." Keff resumed his work, gesturing to the stack of lumps I determined to be heads of hammers in the making. "You gonna help, or what?"
"Yeah." I wasted no further time resuming my duties at the smithy. Keff provided me with heated lumps, which I formed to the best of my ability into rectangular shapes, tapering a bit at the end. I found this to be easier than working with thinner metal despite the harder blows the material needed, due to the thicker material. It was the head of a hammer; it was going to be hard to make the shapes into something that Keff couldn't refine into a properly shaped tool. My thoughts wandered while I worked. I considered how it would feel to live the rest of my life in this world, and how it would feel to return to Earth. Returning would mean starting all over again in a world largely devoid of the kindness I had found here, with even more cards stacked against me in a strictly capitalist economic system. There was a lot more inherent freedom here, but there were also many more risks to life and limb. One of those risks was a tool that I now wielded as a boon to myself and potentially others: magic. "I met someone today: Lilika. She lives a bit outside town on the East road. Do you know anything about her?"
"She's odd," Keff replied as he placed more lumps of metal into the forge, "but harmless. Got that dire dog with her?"
"Yeah, Rags. He likes me."
"Animals like gentle souls." That felt like a deep compliment to me. At least people could see that I didn't mean any harm... most people, at least.
"She invited me to visit her. Do you think that's a good idea?" I was making progress on my lumps. That made me think of that one Black Eyed Peas song.
"When you've got more spells to protect yourself," Keff suggested with a light point of urgency. "Take someone with you. You don't know this world." No, I definitely didn't. The reminder hurt. Keff was right; bringing someone with me would only be common sense anyway.
"Of course. Thanks. She did this whole thing of pretending to have no money to find someone trustworthy. I don't know what that's about, so I figured I'd ask what you thought, just in case." This brought a smile to the dwarf's face. It was infectious.
"See? Odd."
"So am I. I can see you smiling over there. What's that about?"
"It's good to know you still care what I think after taking up with Sekvi. With magic and your business ideas, I started to wonder if you were going to leave me behind." The sentiment was touching, and I was happy to reciprocate it with one of my own.
"It sounds like you like me," I joked, knowing that Keff enjoyed ribbing humor now and then. I was surprised to see him pause, look over to me with intent, and hold my gaze.
"I do. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. You have a good heart, you care, and find a way to do what you need to do." He used his hammer to gesture to my lumpy approximation of hammers. "You're not great at this, but you're steady, you're improving. You try. I've gone through a dozen people that didn't try and had more skill and muscle than you. Do you really think so low of yourself?" I felt called out. Of course I did. I had spent my entire life never being good enough for anyone around me. Customers, bosses, even my own family constantly told me how little they thought of me. How weird they found me. Strangers online even enjoyed picking apart my taste in media.
"I mean... yeah. I mean, look at me, I can't even hammer a hammer with a hammer. I cry when people ask me questions, apparently."
"Dammit, Madison."
"...it's changing. And I know, I've been through a lot, and it's still fresh and it's still a lot. I'm trying my best; I've never had people in my life that don't nothing me at best."
"I know. I just hate hearing it. Look at how good you are with magic. You're moving faster than Sekvi ever did, and they've been at it since they were a kid. Even outside that, you have worth as a person because you're a person. I'll say it as many times as I have to." Those words, 'you have worth as a person,' is something I had never heard or truly felt before. They stabbed deep into me as we resumed our work. My eyes started to well up, but I didn't want to cry again. I realized that I may not have a choice in the matter as I observed how those words changed my emotional landscape. It felt as if Spring had arrived inside me.
"No one's ever said that to me before. I didn't ever think my existence was worthwhile."
"Get used to hearing otherwise." We exchanged glances, then smiles, and finally a laugh of mutual appreciation. I was already feeling better. The rest of the work day concluded as usual, and a surprise came to me as the sun set over the western mountains, lower than those in the East. I received a day's full pay despite being over an hour late to arrive. "Betiara gave me your day's pay to make sure you didn't go without, even if you didn't come in."
"Oh..." Even Betiara, someone who didn't entirely trust my motivations for being here, cared about my wellbeing. This gesture must also mean that she indeed trusted Keff's appraisal of me. I looked over the money for a few moments before putting it into my bag. "That was really nice of her. It's not a small amount."
"Mm. She knows she messed up. She's got the grace of an anvil, but she's a good person," Keff asserted we brought our tools inside. "We're making good money lately with all the construction and refreshing the guards' equipment. Depending on how this all goes, I can see about paying you more next week since it'll take time for your merchant's permit to go through... and I need you to do something for me." Even more money? I was already making plenty.
"What's that?"
"Say, 'I have worth as a person.' Just say it." I briefly entertained telling Keff that he had worth as a person instead, but I could tell this was too important for jokes. He really cared.
"I have worth as a person."
"That's right. Goodnight Madison."
"Goodnight Keff." He disappeared into his adjoined house. I thought about those prompted words and the idea that they expressed. It felt so hard for me to feel that I had worth. It didn't seem like a judgment I could make on my own. Having the backdrop of affirmation between Keff, Sekvi, Lilika and even Betiara helped me gain context. If all four of them felt this way, even with my imperfections, then it was likely true. There were four of them and one of me. I remembered that Rags had identified me as a friendly person, as well, so that brought the true total to five. With this thought in mind, I decided to take a detour on the way to meet Sekvi. I entered the guards' barracks, which was a simple enough building on the inside. One of the guards pointed me to Betiara's office. With all the courage I could muster, I knocked on the door.
"Gesso, if it's about the gutters again, I'm working on it."
"It's Madison."
"It is!?" I heard the sounds of weighty armor quickly approach the door, and there she was. It appeared the only armor Betiara was wearing was currently her boots, with the rest resting next to her desk. She must be finishing up the day's paperwork. A look of light concern met me as she looked me over. "You look like you're doing better. Sorry for this morning, again."
"There's a lot going on, you have a job to do. I understand. Really. No hard feelings." We were the same height, but Betiara made me feel so small. There was something about her presence that felt larger than she was. I watched an amount of stress flood out of her posture upon hearing this news.
"I felt so bad. At least you got a good welcome from Keff. Did you get your...?"
"I did, yeah, thank you for that. That was really nice of you."
"Oh, it was, the right thing to do." Betiara leaned against the door frame wearing a little smile. I noticed her yellowed tooth poking out. It seemed a little gross, but on her, it was like a beauty mark of sorts. "I notice you're still here. Not that you need to leave. I... do you need something else?" It was now or never. I made sure that I was certain about this decision before answering.
"Yes. I wanted to... tell you the truth."
"You don't have to," she insisted after recovering from her surprise. "It's clearly traumatic and private, you don't owe me anything."
"I want to. It's going to be a lot, so I'm gonna have to trust you to hear me, but I want to." A wordless Betiara, her stunned expression almost comedic, stepped aside and welcomed me into her office. She gingerly closed the door and hurried over to sit down behind her desk.
"Okay. Hit me." Knowing what I knew of Betiara, and knowing what I knew of myself, I decided to ease her into it.
"It's unusual that I came to a town so far North as a dragonborn that doesn't speak Common, isn't it?"
"Very."
"It's... because..." I closed my eyes for a moment to fidget with my hands. "I'm from another world." I heard only silence, so I opened my eyes to see a nonplussed half-elven face staring back at me with an expression that was difficult to decipher. Her features, which were as elegant as they were stoic, seemed to tighten slightly as she considered the implications of my confession.
"You're... from another plane of existence?"
"Something like that. Sekvi thinks so. Where I come from, there aren't any dragonborn, or elves, or magic. There's just humans and technology. Common isn't a language there." Was I really making the right decision? What if she took it badly and had me arrested for speaking of such lofty things that were likely, in what I assumed of her mind, the words of a person that had lost their marbles? I watched Betiara furrow her brow, take a look out the window, and turn to face me again.
"Why did you come here?"
"It was an accident. I had a dream, and... I woke up in the woods near town. I saw smoke and just. Ran."
"Survival instinct. You said there weren't any dragonborn, though."
"Yeah. I was human before this." The way she stared at me changed from a look of investigation to one of stark realization. Did that mean she could tell I was telling the truth? I fiddled with my hands, growing increasingly worried that the more I talked, the worse I was coming off.
"Why are you telling me this, Madison, when we could have let things be? I'd hoped that I'd made up for how hard I pressed you."
"I felt bad about the reaction I had to your understandable questions. You paid attention, and, in a way, you were right. You care about me enough to use your earnings to ensure that I didn't go without. Keff vouched for you... and it didn't seem right to let someone with a job like yours to be done with all the distracting wonder I caused." I could hear my voice growing quieter the more I spoke. My reasons didn't feel like they were good enough. This felt like a reckless move; it probably was. "I hope I didn't achieve the opposite."
"Do you know why there's such a low crime rate in Karthos Bend?" The question was asked with a quiet seriousness that felt threatening. My fears told me that I had really stepped in it by making this irresponsible decision.
"I haven't been here long enough to observe that... why?"
"People look at this job and see oppression. I don't blame them, but I see things differently. We don't arrest people in Karthos Bend. We don't punish them, we help them, while protecting them from what's outside of the town, not what's inside it." Betiara paused, still focusing on me intently with her blazing yellow eyes. "I got this job because I'm smart and because I'm tough, not because I knew someone. I make the decisions I make regarding my oversight because I never got the help that I needed." She tensed up a bit as her eyes averted past me. Something was being weighed in her mind.
"That's... respectable. I think our politics are actually, um, really compatible. It made me a bit of an outsider on Earth." I hoped this fact could make whatever decision Betiara was making more peaceful for us both. "I try to do the same thing, just, on a smaller scale. This is the first chance I've had to fully be myself."
"I'm glad you have that chance, then. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"
"That you take your work seriously, and that you take me seriously."
"Well, yeah. But I'm also saying you don't need to be afraid of me." Betiara closed her eyes. Her decision had been made. "How do you feel about being here?" Was that it? There had to be more. She was setting herself up to make a point.
"I feel like... people are nice to me for the first time, which is... miraculous," I began. If ill was going to come to me, I decided that I may as well use this opportunity to be honest. Whatever was coming had already been decided; I could see that much in Betiara's eyes. "But I worry that if they knew, I'd just be more of an outsider. I'm different, and people can tell. I don't know if I'm only different on the outside, or if something inside me is different, too. I feel like I don't know where to go from here; I don't even know if I want to go back to Earth, even if I can." Deafening silence filled the room as the captain appraised my answer. That look of recognition returned.
"I know what that's like. I'm from the Cradle, of course, but, the rest. I assume you want to keep this a secret?"
"Please. I think that would be better for everyone." A shuffling sound came from behind Betiara's desk. Boots dropped casually to the floor, and the captain stood up.
"A secret is a burden. I'm heavier now, for knowing this, and not only with your secret, but with your trust. That's a bond. That's something we both need as outsiders." She lowered her head, but her eyes stayed glued to me. "I'll do it if I can return the favor."
"S-..." Did I have any other choice? What was she going to do? If I still had hair on the back of my neck, it would be standing up. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It couldn't be true. "Yes. I won't tell anybody." Betiara sighed and hung her head low.
"I came here from somewhere else, too."
"You're shitting me," I blurted out. "You're from Earth, too?!"
"What? No. What," She stammered, tension bleeding from the moment as she looked at me with an incredulous expression. I would admit that I had gotten carried away by my thought. "I just told you I'm from the Cradle. No, just, watch." What I witnessed was not something easily put into words. The words were very simple, and thus not the problem; it was that such a thing was possible in any world. The captain's form changed, so terribly, so teriffically before my eyes. She grew even taller than I was, sprouting gray, white and black fur, a snout, claws... she inspired simultaneous fear and awe in me that shook me from my anxieties in a way that I desperately needed. My shock diluted the moment from seconds into what felt like minutes as I watched something impossible happen right in front of me. I had the feeling this would not be the last time I would see such things during my time in the Cradle.
"Werewolf," I breathed, eyes wide as we recognized each other. My body didn't dare move despite coursing with adrenaline. Betiara wouldn't have shown me this unless she was still in control of herself, contrary to the Hollywood movies I'd seen, or unless she was going to kill me. She looked so wild, yet so dignified. I almost didn't care if I was about to die; how many others got to see this?
"Someone told you, then."
"No! I, they're, you're, fictional, in Earth media. There are scientific debates about the conservation of mass and if werewolves could actually exist, but I guess, magic? Wow. I never thought... wow." Betiara blinked. Her nostrils flared as she slowly rounded the desk to sit upon the front of it.
"You believe me. That you don't need to be afraid of me."
"Yeah! Unlike the stories from Earth, you seem to still be you." An uneasy look came over the captain. She drummed the claws on her right hand... paw... grabby thing against her desk.
"That happens to others. I accept it. I see that there's nothing to be afraid of. Others aren't so insightful." This felt so powerful to me. Everything Betiara had said about her philosophy and experience suddenly made crystalline sense to me. She really did know how I felt. One day, she must have become this, had the same crisis of identity because of her new body, felt like she would be considered an outsider if others knew. I wondered if she sensed that about me when we met in the bathhouse a few days ago. "You have to carry this now," she said, offering her grabby thing in the gesture of a handshake. I marveled at the offer. I was going to shake hands with a werewolf. The rough pads on her palm, the tufts of thick fur that grew between them, suited perfectly for the climate, the stubby, wolf-like fingers tipped in claws all amazed me beyond my ability to express it. I wondered if I looked anything close to this level of beautiful to her. My scaled, similarly nonhuman hand reached forward to gingerly take hers. My hand was entirely engulfed in hers. We shook on our mutual secrets and trust. I felt as if I had made a friend in this moment. Betiara must have, too, given the way her jowls lifted to approximate something like a smile.
"Tooth."
"Yeah. So... don't tell anyone. Sekvi and the mayor know. No one else. I came from a place that saw this as danger and monstrosity, so I traveled a long way to give myself a fresh start, sort of like you."
"But you're you. Why did they-" The smile dropped, as did Betiara's ears, as she gestured to herself.
"They thought I was an animal. That I would bite and kill like one, without good reason. A pest, a dangerous one. They were scared of me. I guess I don't blame them. I was scared when I was bitten." There was no convincing myself that I wasn't feeling some amount of fear as well. I saw a reflection of myself in Betiara. We had a lot in common, and we had our reasons for keeping ourselves secret from others. I hated that she had to do the same in spite of her resolve and her principles whose only purpose were to keep others from suffering in the ways that she had.
"Well... on one hand I get it. On the other, you're a person either way. You're... beautiful, if that's okay to say. Inside and out, and, you have worth as a person because you're a person." Betiara's brow and ears shot upward in surprise. I heard a thumping sound erupt from the desk behind her. It was her tail. In all the worlds, I wondered who could displace someone like this. After what I'd seen tonight, and saying those words in response, I knew that I could never think of myself in the same way again. The enormity of Keff's kindness floored me once again.
"That's, haha. This? Really?"
"Look how fluffy you are," I began a little more loudly than I'd intended, which earned a quiet shushing from Betiara and a glance toward the closed door. "Sorry. But, yeah, you're so big, but gentle. Wild, but regal. It's unreal and amazing,” I continued in a whisper.
“Okay, that’s too much. It’s nice. I feel better about feeling that way about myself, now. It’s something I want to be proud of, but...”
“I mean, look at what you do with it. I’m a woman in a medieval town; I figured I would have gotten assaulted or mugged every other day since I’m not married to a man. It hasn’t happened once.”
“It won’t, while I’m here. Even if I weren’t, that’s probably not going to happen to you. Earth sounds awful.” Her tail slowed its pace, but continued to thump.
“It is. I believe that.” This revelation had thrown me for a loop. I suddenly realized how long I had been here; I was due at Sekvi’s tower! There were spells to learn; they were waiting for me! “Oh, shit, I have magic lessons. Sorry! Thank you for meeting with me and hearing me and trusting me. I feel like I’ve, made a, friend?” Thump, thump, thump. Betiara grinned, which would have looked terrifying without her tail announcing her emotional state.
“A friend. Don’t keep Sekvi waiting, their attention wanders. Thank you, too.” I watched Betiara’s form melt back to its half-elven state before my eyes, equally as fluid as her revelation had been. As I took hold of the door handle, I heard the voice of my new friend address me in a hesitant tone. “Hey, Madison? I think you’re beautiful, too.” Those words stopped me in my tracks. I looked over my shoulder with a heartfelt smile, feeling that I had already cried too many times today. I was beautiful. Appreciating my new body was correct. The way my scales caught the light, my powerful horns, my thick, swooping tail... I was right to feel the way I did. I wasn’t wrong. The person I was was worthwhile and meant something after all, despite the way I had felt about myself until I arrived in this new world. All I could manage was an earnest, joyous, timid smile as I left the barracks. I hoped there was a way I could make up my tardiness to my teacher.
“You made a friend?” Sekvi asked as we sat down to begin our lesson for the night. “That’s wonderful! I’m pleased that you’re making friends of your own. I mean, I must impress upon you that Keff and I are your friends, too, but, oh, do tell.” I had felt friendship with them both, of course, but it felt nice to have it officially confirmed so that I could be free of doubts.
“Betiara.” My teacher’s reaction was as I expected. Their mouth slowly fell open in stunned silence, exposing their tusks in full. I took the opportunity to get a quick look at their roots; it appeared that they replaced several of Sekvi’s front teeth. The people of this world were so cool.
“How did that happen?!” I couldn’t help but wonder the same.
“Keff and I talked and he kind of, made it very clear that I have worth as a person because I’m a person. That really spoke to me. After seeing how bad she felt about this morning, and learning that she paid the day’s wage so I could rest if I needed to, I decided to... tell her about me.” Sekvi grimaced with concern.
“Oh, that was... but your mood and new friendship suggest that your confession went well?”
“Surprisingly, yeah. Um, it, turns out we have a few things in common.”
“Like wh-,” Sekvi began, but quickly lapsed into their calculations again. “She didn’t.”
“Tooth,” I said with a slightly pointed tone to let Sekvi know that I knew.
“Ahah. I gave her that nickname. You must have made a strong impression on her.”
“The second time we met, we washed each other’s backs, so she made one on me too,” I joked, quickly settling back as I remembered the way Betiara accepted me and assured me without hesitation. “She’s an impressive person. Do the guards really not arrest people?”
“Only in cases of exceptionally violent crime. Inexcusable things. It’s actually part of my diplomacy work; enlightening others of a better way of conducting town security. She isn’t especially gifted in delicate social matters -- no offense is meant, we all have our strengths and weaknesses -- so I take it upon myself to ensure her principles are adequately acknowledged in the wider community.” Sekvi’s hands landing upon their hips and their brilliant, toothy smile indicated how proud they felt of this fact. I felt it was very much deserved.
“I think the world, any world, could really benefit from her example. So, yeah, that’s why I was late tonight. I’m sorry, I know you’re really busy.” I held the tip of my tail in my hands, gently wringing at the end to avoid opening up the newly sealed cut.
“Nonsense. I was worried for you today. When I checked on you during lunch, you weren’t there, but hearing that you managed to have a satisfactory day in spite of your stress is the best news I could receive. Well, aside from certain... yes, your lesson. Tonight you will learn Absorb Elements and Magic Missile. I’ve taken the liberty of illustrating these spells on the board for you. Here is my tome... let’s begin.” My next two full spells materialized in my tome as easily as the previous pair had. Sekvi was a great help. In the interest of saving time, they kept a tighter pace to their explanations, which suited the simpler spells very well. Absorb Elements was the more complex spell in its accountance for defending oneself against various, and thus we decided to tackle it first. It would allow me to, as it said on the tin, absorb some of an elemental attack made against me to lessen the damage dealt and potentially turn it back on an attacker. What fascinated me is that the spell would not scale in effectiveness as I progressed in ability, but with the attacks levied against me! That meant the spell would always be useful, as long as I was in a situation where I would be taking elemental damage. I would do all I could to avoid such situations.
Magic Missile was next. It was a surprisingly simple spell. Its construction was similar to Fire Bolt, though without an elemental component; the spell’s meager structural complexity came from the ability to split the missile into separate beams so I could strike different targets at once. The damage was stronger, but though it was not spectacular, it was reliable for the simple fact that it would only miss if one raised a Shield spell in response, or a much more powerful Counterspell was used to eliminate its casting entirely. All in all, Sekvi and I viewed it as a staple. Their guidance was unquestionably sound once again. The spells were diligently tested before we retired for the evening. Magic Missile was a cakewalk, as Sekvi sported the Shield spell and the missiles found their defenses without fault. Absorb Elements, however, was my first exposure to magical pain. They lobbed a Fire Bolt at me, and while it was deliberately an easy blow made easier by my defenses, I was still set ablaze for a few moments of agony. I thought I had been ready for it, but it felt like someone had dropped a load of frozen hash browns into the fryer while I was standing in front of it. A magical potion of healing took care of my wounds, but I had gotten a taste of what it would feel like to undergo the effects of a mere cantrip. I was extremely reluctant to use it against anyone.
I sat with Sekvi in their study while I patched up my robes with Mending. They had decided that I needed some comfort food, so we retrieved fried vegetable dumplings from the inn and paired it with ale. The respective foodstuffs complimented each other very well. “Your training is nearly complete,” announced Sekvi with a glass raised over their desk. I met it with my own in a toast to us both. “Your next two spells will be of your own choosing. I’d like you to think of magical tools you’d like to have at your disposal; we’ll call it a creative exercise. We can ascertain an approximation as best we can. Do you have any ideas?”
“Yes. First, I’d like to be able to read Common without having to take years to learn it. If I get enough time here, I can do that later. Is there a spell like that that’s simple enough to use at my level?”
“Mm, Comprehend Languages! Even better, it can be cast via a short ritual. A very keen choice, as it’s a Divination spell, and can lend you my tome to copy it over.” My relief was palpable. I tried not to think about how difficult it could be to put together such a spell from scratch.
“Perfect! Oh, that’s lucky. Um... okay. Say I get into a scrape, and things are looking bad, and I need a spell to get the hell out of Dodge. Is there anything like that I could learn?” I took an enormous bite out of my dumpling. I felt that I had earned that much after the day’s events.
“Expeditious Retreat. I believe I have that on a scroll somewhere... ah, a Transmutation spell, as well as a Concentration spell! Your instincts are spot-on, Madison. Look at you, broadening your horizons while engaging your specialty at the same time. I have never had a better student.” I couldn’t help but smile warmly at the compliment. The ale and the warm, hearty, indulgent food greased that wheel very well indeed.
“I’m glad I can live up to your expectations, at the very least. So, I think I might have actually made two friends today.”
“Do tell!”
“Lilika, and her dire dog, Rags. They live a little ways outside of town. Do you know them?” Sekvi’s brow scrunched low as they brought their pointer finger to their chin. I had to admit that this, combined with their tusks, made for a visual that nearly made me choke on my food while I stifled a laugh.
“Ah, the druid. I believe I’ve met her before, over the course of surveying local farmers about the soil quality of the area, which is fertile, by the way. The glaciers carried healthy sediment down from the North ages ago. If I remember correctly, she was slightly eccentric, but a great teacher in her own right. I don’t know much about her otherwise.” We pondered over this mysterious woman while we further reduced our dumplings. “Oh, this is going straight to my hips. I need to be careful with these,” Sekvi giggled.
“I’m only after them because I can work it all off at the forge,” I explained with a laugh. “But um, she was in town today, apparently looking for someone she could trust. Says she gets lonely out there. I bought her food and she paid me back on the spot, then gave me a lesson about the local environment. She was very thorough.”
“Ah, that’s her, then. Yes. She similarly vetted my credentials when we first met. We played a game of strategy, and I won by a mere hair. So, you’re perhaps friends with her, then?”
“Perhaps. She invited me to visit. Keff said I should bring someone with me.”
“You should. When do you plan to visit her?”
“I guess I could go on my next day off?”
“Ahh. I’ll be away two days from now, and so will Keff. He has supplies to fetch for the wall’s construction. Being that he’s the only competent smith in town, if you’ll keep that tea between us, Betiara would escort him. Perhaps she could send a guard with you?” Sekvi offered the suggestion with a raised brow. “They’ll take good care of you, what with your pleasant disposition and friendship with their captain.” The idea certainly had merit, and it was certainly more concrete than any ideas I could come up with.
“That’s a great idea. I’ll do that,” I confirmed with a nod.
“Excellent. So... Betiara. I’m very surprised that she told you of her... affliction. Were you not scared to hear of something like that?”
“Werewolves are a fictional concept on Earth, so it wasn’t entirely outside my realm of... I can’t call this world fantasy, given that it’s real, but, yeah. And honestly, I thought she was really beautiful like that. So strong and focused and, fluffy. Her tail even started wagging at one point.” Sekvi nearly choked on their ale, causing them to cough repeatedly into their hand as they leaned forward, eyes wide open.
“She showed you?!” Their incredulity stunned me; I supposed that was a far greater gesture than simply telling me of her lycanthropy, now that I thought about it. I watched my teacher as they stared at me in surprise. As speechless as I was in this moment, I only grew more so when I saw a sheepish little smirk cross their lips. They sat back in their chair and squinted their eyes at me. “She likes you.”
“Well, I mean, we have things in common and she seems like a decent pers-”
“No, Madison, she likes you.”
“What?! No, I, no,” I stammered with a chuckle. There was no way someone would find me interesting in that way. ...did she see my tail? Lugging that thing around had definitely provided me with shapely... nevermind. “Naahh. I’m, I’m sure she doesn’t, but, that’s very flattering.”
“She washed your back,” Sekvi countered in a deadpan tone. “The first time you properly met. Then she showed you her true form. Come on.”
“She... also called me beautiful. B-but only after I called her that, first.” This sent Sekvi into hysterics. I felt terribly embarrassed, and decided to eat a dumpling about it.
“She didn’t! Ohohohohoooohhhh my stars she is infatuated with you! Madison, please, spare me, you are a wizard and you are my student. Surely you know how silly you sound right now!” My teacher had to straighten themself up in their chair after they had collapsed in laughter.
“I mean I don’t want to assume! That’s rude!” This only earned more laughter in my direction. I decided this was fine. My food and my drink wouldn’t laugh at me as I pouted a bit. Even so, I couldn’t help but smile a little. “Is she?”
“Have you met her?”
“I guess I see your point.”
“Good! You know, she’s a bit of a catch. A daring political rebel, cool and competent, those muscles...”
“And the fluffiness.”
“The fluffiness! You’re precious, absolutely precious. You’re smitten with her too!”
“I am not smitten, I just think I can appreciate a pretty person when I see them. That’s perfectly... normal.” My mind unhelpfully provided me the image of Betiara wiggling around while I gave her belly rubs.
“I would bet you my last platinum piece that you’re imagining giving rubbing her belly right now.”
“That’s not fuckin fair,” I shouted and tossed my hands up. A bit of ale spilled into my lap, which was met with a very unamused expression. This earned only more laughter; fucking Divination wizards. We finished our meal only after the clarification that Sekvi could not, in fact, read minds, and had merely read my face like a Spell Tome. It was a fun night, and a pleasant one, and we retired after reassuring each other than any teasing and upset was of jest. I flopped onto my bed downstairs and stared at the writing desk situated across the window from my current position. Was Betiara really into me? Was I into her? I searched my feelings and found that, yes, I felt that I was. Why couldn’t emotions make sense? “Guhhhh,” I moaned as I rolled onto my back and covered my face with my hands. I hadn’t ever been romantically interested in someone before. Perhaps it was a simple infatuation, or smittenship, like Sekvi said. That was a fun new word. In any case, my friends’ assurances provided potent ammo against the thoughts of my worthlessness that inevitably cropped up. I had worth as a person because I was a person. I had worth as a person because I was a person. I had worth as a person because I was a person...
This mantra calmed me enough to reflect upon my plans for the next two days. Tomorrow would be a work day, and the day after would be a free day. I would complete my wizard training tomorrow if all went according to schedule. That thought excited me. Me, Madison, previously-worthless 22 year-old manager at Taco Bell, a natural born wizard. The thought felt ridiculous to me, but I had come a long way since I had arrived in Karthos Bend. My realization that I would be in town without my familiar social safety nets soon had me concerned, as well as the prospect of leaving town and walking through bandit territory to meet a mysterious druid in the woods, all felt like a Craigslist misadventure that would show up on r/darwinawards. I formed a plan for tomorrow: over lunch, I would get information for my merchant’s permit. I would file for said permit the following day, have a bath, and head over to Lilika’s house once I had grabbed an unfortunate guard to follow me there. It felt very clean, very simple, and without much room for error. Satisfied, I changed into my pajamas and tucked myself in for a good night’s sleep.